My Aunt

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My Aunt

by Josii on Wed Aug 23, 2017 06:32 AM

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Caretaking always seems so cut and dry when people talk about it.  They don't mention that being a caregiver for your family leaves your heart bleeding once they're gone.  My Auntie passed away on June 10 after a two year fight with stage IV colon cancer that had passed to her liver and her lungs.  Two months later and I'm still grieving. 

Two months later and I still have to stop myself from going to the bedroom to check on her.  I don't know what to do.  I don't even know what to think sometimes.  Sometimes it seems as though because I was her caregiver that it somehow made me a grief counselor too and I just want to hide. 

I want to hide somewhere quiet where I can be alone and just scream.  Scream because I'm still angry that she's not here.  That she won't be here to see me married or to hold my first baby.  Mostly... Mostly I just miss her so much.

RE: My Aunt

by StanToronto on Wed Aug 23, 2017 06:52 PM

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Josii, it has been over two years since I lost my wife, and I am still grieving. I don't think it ever goes away. Even after years, there will be triggers that bring it all back.

I recently watched a lengthy interview with Red Skelton who was happy and jovial all the way through, until the interviewer asked him a question about his wife who had died 16 years before. He became so choked up, that he could not speak or continue for about a minute or so while he regained his composure.

Then there is the aspecet of awakening every morning with the realization that you are going to be all alone that day without her at your side for support. There are things you will have to do that day, which will make you faint at the prospect of having to do them all alone. :-(

This forum is a good place to hang out. It is helpful to realize that you are not alone in your feelings. You are completely normal.  

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