Dad is jumping into a relationship with a girl my age!

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Dad is jumping into a relationship with a girl my age!

by Distraughtalisa on Sun Sep 03, 2017 01:21 AM

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I'm so distraught! Not so much as too my father moving on but more so in who and how he's going about it! My mother passed of pancreatic cancer in novemeber. It was extremely hard and more so doing the holidays on everyone. It still seems surreal! A heathy strong woman whom seemed could out live her own children. My mother was 56. We were all in deep depression and it appeared as if my father would never move on.... however shortly after he began reconnecting with friends from his past who were playing matchmaker via internet. He began chatting romantically with a lady whom share my mother's same name 2 months after her death. I immediately voiced my concern and attempted to advise him before he jumped into something serious ( he wanted to pay to have this lady to travel from Spain to the states). Obviously this wasn't sane he had only chatted with this lady! I didnt want him to be unhappy but it seemed to premature . Also I did not want him to be taken for a fool. I saw some other signs that he didn't see. He apperantly found out she was crooked . Thank fully! But again shortly after, he befriended yet another much younger lady ! A lady who is 45 with a 6 and 13 year old girls ! My dad is 68 with grandkids who range from 2 to 18 to start over again. Yet I f he's happy then I'm happy for him ... but here's the problem! He has abandoned the family moved to the carribean with this woman and he's giving his and my mother's life savings to this lady! Refuses to listen to me or any family members! I don't even recognize this man I used to look up to and hope to have in my life forever! It appears he's been brainwashed! I am baffaled and don't know what to do! My siblings gave up . But for some reason I can't let go!

RE: Dad is jumping into a relationship with a girl my age!

by StanToronto on Tue Sep 05, 2017 05:28 PM

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Distraughtalisa,

Sorry life is not unfolding the way you would prefer. We all embrace certain practices and principles, and it would seem that your dad is embracing his.

After 75 years, I would never consider being involved in any kind of conjugal relationship that might in any way compromise my wife's wishes. Having accumulated considerable wealth, which now that she has gone is totally meaningless to me. My only remaining purpose, it to distribute it a manner I know would please her.

The seeming estrangment between you, your siblings and you father, raises a red flag for me. How often did you all interface with your father, or even call him on the phone?

I only have two kids, and apart from our frequent festive family celebrations, they are on the phone with me for an average of an hour every day. I don't call them, they call me.  Caring for one another in family is a reciprocal endeavour. If that relationship is not fulfilled by family, then dad is going to find new family that does care.  

If my family cares for me, it is because of the kind of care I demonstrated as they were growing up. And now as adults, we have the kind of family bond with children, grandkids, and in-laws that can never be broken.

Whatever assets I have, are unimportant to me; they are merely held in trust for my family.

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