dont know what way to turn

11 Posts | Page(s): 1 2  Next 

dont know what way to turn

by shellie12 on Mon Feb 12, 2018 05:26 PM

Quote | Reply

Was wonderig if anyone can give me some advice my uncle whos 81 has prostate cancer and into bones in parts..he has a cathiter in  and thank god hes doing good the last bloods they none his calium was good his blood was 12.4  white cells good and even a bone test showed a rise from before so dr was very happy with him...but problem is he is so hard to get him to drink water. if i get him to drink 3 pints a day thats about it i do dips and try to keep infections away. the nuurse said the cathiter could come out , this is the problem. he is a very nervious person and he does not want it out . as in before he aways runs to the toilet trying to make himself go...as well as that the uroligist to get him up and let him walk away hes on zoladex every 3 months ..another problem is  all he wants to do is lay in bed hes one of those ppl that if he has a sore head he takes to bed..always has.. he has not been for a walk outside the house from oct ..says he does want to catch the cold... I have high axniety levels and am getting worst as there is no working with him .. can anyone give me some advice  pppl have tryed to talk to him but it goes over his head everyone can see how far down i am  he doesnt ....i nevr go out as i dotn wanta be leaving him on his own .. sorry of am ranting a bit 

RE: dont know what way to turn

by tomatoman on Mon Feb 12, 2018 08:38 PM

Quote | Reply

My only advice would be that he is the master of his own destiny, not you.  So if he doesn't do what you want, that is his problem, not yours.

RE: dont know what way to turn

by PunkyD on Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:00 AM

Quote | Reply

Dear Shellie,

I can totally relate to your situation.  My 86 year old father in law passed away 9 months ago from Prostate cancer (and dementia).  He lived with us for 1 year and 7 months. On top of that, he was a very difficult, stubborn person, who lived by himself (divorced) for many years. His cancer had also spread to his bones. Our nurse used to tell us to give him jello (water and sugar) for fluids.  Not that it is a lot, but it's something. My FIL also had a catheter, and he kept pulling it out, because he couldn't understand/remember what he needed it for.  That meant a trip to the ER to reinsert it. It was pretty impossible to work with him as well. 

My main advice would be to get help.  Do you have any help??? Family, friends? Or are you his main caregiver?  Believe me, I know how hard this is. 

I'm here to talk.

Punky

RE: dont know what way to turn

by shellie12 on Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:11 AM

Quote | Reply

hiya thanks for that  . i love him to bits but hes hard work.. because of my anixiety lost a lotta freinds  and family he has 2 nephews and another neice and they never come near him and he reared us after after mum and dad died cold hearltless ppl 

i have talked to dr,s and lifeline and all dr can say is do u want ur meds upped and lifeline they say he might be better in a home. i have asked him to go into restbit for a weekend and he always starts crying saying i wont get out again  my parnther and a friend has tryed to talk to him about how far down i am and he just aye and naws.. he says am trying to get rid of him . am not but i can feel myself going down hil . 

RE: dont know what way to turn

by shellie12 on Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:52 AM

Quote | Reply

as well i nevr get a full night sleep. when his nerves was not good he used to come up to living room maybe 4 times a night but that has stopped now... Now i got to bed about 8 and usully sleep to about 11.30 my parther has to drag me out . and by the time i get the night bag on, make tea give meds wait till he eats and get him into bed  am wide awake so sleep agin usually round 4   i am trying to run a business but its hard when ur nevr there to oversee things,, he eats well but complains a lot but he always did if he took a cold he had hte fu and tookt to bed lol . drs say all is good and the last tests none was good . even his bone test was up  so shes happy with him and i think they think am a drama queen  no one know how many times at night i want to end it all  

RE: dont know what way to turn

by PunkyD on Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:10 PM

Quote | Reply

I see.........that's hard.  If he could at least do weekends in a home or weekdays.  One or the other.  You do need SOME break. Is he entitled to outside help, like someone else coming to the house from a caregiving company for a couple of hours a day? Is there any way to call his neice and nephews to come by?  With my FIL, he went from son to son for different periods of time.  In the last months, we had someone from a company come for several hours a day.  If it's too much, you may need to put him in a home, if he needs 24/7 care.  Is it close enough for you to visit often? Is he still mobile and independent (dressing/eating)? 

Punky 

RE: dont know what way to turn

by shellie12 on Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:31 AM

Quote | Reply

thanks ur not the 1st person to say that  but its me who has to suffer when hes in a mood or in bad form. or takes a infection but ur right even the dr said that to   .

RE: dont know what way to turn

by genemyers on Wed Feb 14, 2018 05:37 AM

Quote | Reply

Your Uncle some needs some home care; but maybe the bigger problem as Punky said is that as a caregiver, your need a break, respite and support.

Getting friends/family to help out is one option but what should happen is a medical professional comes to your home and do a needs assessment, physical, activities of daily living, medications, financial, community help, everything.  They should assess your uncle’s needs and your needs and come up with a plan of action that can be implemented to help the situation. Help is available and it does not matter if he has Medicare, Medicaid or no insurance.

Tomatoman is correct, if your uncle does not cooperate, it is very hard for you to improve the situation without his consent. If your uncle is opposed to going to a home, a visiting nurse coming to your home first for a couple of hours, could make all of the different and get your uncle used to someone helping out and may lower his resistance to more help later.

It does not sound like your doctors or other professionals you are dealing with are much help to you and that would be the first place I would go for a referral. Since the doctors seem to just want the problem to go away, I would recommend you call CancerCare, a nonprofit. This is a nonprofit that has oncology social workers you can talk to for free and have this assessment done, or at least get some referrals to someone in your area that can do it. Their number is 800-813-HOPE (4673); or email them atinfo@cancercare.org. Their website is www.cancercare.org/counseling. 

Hang in there, things can get better. I was the primary caregiver for two family members; one for over a year and I gave IV meds to them and was on call 24/7. It is very exhausting being a care giver, being awake during the day and up part of the nights. The doctor said just put them in a nursing home, but I refused to do that. Listen to what Punky said, you need a break. You cannot care for others if you do not take care of your needs first.

Best wishes,

Gene

RE: dont know what way to turn

by shellie12 on Wed Feb 14, 2018 10:39 AM

Quote | Reply

thanks for ur reply  when i say to him about that hes says they wood not let hom put again and seems to think a restbit is a home.. i dont have anyone  i had the social worker out and she giv eme 2 hours a week  . and because of my anixiety  i never went ou anyway as i have to work form home.  the rest of them dnt care one texts or call down now and again adn have said to him but he jsut looks at me.. am northern ireland i have tryed with dr,s and all they can say is do i want my meds upped . sometimes i feel if i was not here that someone else wood have to deal with it and maybe someone wood listen

RE: dont know what way to turn

by tomatoman on Wed Feb 14, 2018 01:36 PM

Quote | Reply

God bless the caregivers.

11 Posts | Page(s): 1 2  Next 
Subscribe to this message board discussion

Latest Messages

View More

We care about your feedback. Let us know how we can improve your CancerCompass experience.