Starting 4th year as caregiver- not sure if I can go on

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Starting 4th year as caregiver- not sure if I can go on

by imyaya on Sat Feb 24, 2018 03:41 PM

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  I guess I am not a good person. I feel so bad for my husband sometimes.  But other times I am afraid of him, wonder if the love is gone, and am so hurt that I think of leaving. In my brain I know why my husband does the things he does. He is confused, forgetful,very tired and hurt and angry. And so kind at times. But the times that stick out are the worse times.Our marriage of many years has gone downhill as I find it hard to seperate the meaness from all else.  Two years ago we moved from Ca. to SC because my son urged us to and said he can help. But when I had to call him a couple days ago he blew up at me saying that he can't handle all the ****from my husband and to stop bothering him about it. I had called him to see if my husband had called him.  What started out as a trip to a movie turned so ugly in less than a minute.  I was driving and was to stop at the store real quickly for something on the way.  I asked hubby if he would like anything else. He stated that he needed a new insulated cup.  I said I'll get it. When i countered his "don't worry about it" with really "I don't mind" he screamed "JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU" I know now I should have said nothing, but it is hard enough to be reduced from a respected hairstylist for over 40 years in Ca. to a caregiver with no respect.  I said to him that he needs to talk to me more respectful. He screamed and yelled all the way.  It got ugly.  I thought it was over and I stopped at the store, he waited(or so I thought) in the car. I came out in maybe 10 minutes to find him gone.( Now I know why he handed me the car keys as I got out). I waited, checked the store restroom, other stores near and couldnt find him.  (He lost another cell phone recently so I couldn't call him.) I finally called my son. Asked him to call me if my hubby called him from whereever he was. I continued looking even returning home (20 miles) and then back again to the store.  Finally hubby called me.  He had taken a cab home. I then caled my son to update him and thats when he told me off. I feel so alone. All my friends are out west. Then the next evening, after a peaceful day I asked him where his wallet was as a new health insurance card had come. When he couldn't find it I said I would look in the last place he was. He went bonkers on me.  Slammed doors, screamed, hit walls, then went to garage got on his electric scooter chair and rode the neighborhood in the dark. As he came in later all he said was "I appologise".  I just shook my head yes and he mumbled something. I cried till I fell asleep. This morning he is asleep on the sofa. I sometimes think it is more that the dexamethasone doing this.  I think theres a brain problem. I'm lost anymore.  Thank you to anyone who read this LONG SAGA. I have one friend out west left to vent to.She went through similar with her hubby.  The others, I can tell are over it all.  And I had a son.  Not sure now. I just know I hurt. Gigi

RE: Starting 4th year as caregiver- not sure if I can go on

by kak123 on Tue Sep 11, 2018 06:09 PM

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Many of us share your pain. I have found support groups help a lot. Had to really search for them, not advertised well at all. I am trying to spare my friends of my frustrations because I hope to rebuild my life when this hell comes to an end. I hope you are doing a little something for yourself everyday. Even a walk can help. Take care

RE: Starting 4th year as caregiver- not sure if I can go on

by kak123 on Thu Jan 03, 2019 01:36 AM

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Just checking back to see how you are doing. I hope you have found some/any coping mechanisms. I'm at a point also that there are days that I don't think I can go one. My doctor has put me on antidepressants, valium and I attend a support group - still not enough. But we push on because we must. The person we loved most in the world do longer exists so we go on for them.

RE: Starting 4th year as caregiver- not sure if I can go on

by imyaya on Mon Jan 07, 2019 03:07 AM

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Hi KAK-  I don't go on ths website often as I am afraid of criticism. Things got so bad, name calling, fists in my face, and him calling the police to get me out of our new home that I cd take no more. The son, my only child, who was the reason we relocated from Ca. to SC. as he could help when my husband started getting angry.  My son passed away the end of June 2018 from a heart attack.  Within a month the abuse became so bad and after not getting help(even though I had taken my husband to court a few months prior to force him to get mental help) I finally left for good. I am with my granddaughter in Mo. I don't know what the furure holds. I guess the change in my husbands personality could be from depression, as the mental health dept. claims, or the meds and chemo,or maybe even the cancer in his blood.  The doctor just says his numbers are good. And I can tell that is ALL they concern themselves with. Even the police won't help, just telling me to leave when he gets angry and mean and calls them to throw me out. I can't even fight back--he has the cancer and I am too old to be put in jail.  So I gave up.  At 66 years old I have no home, none of my life possessions, and yes I am now depressed.  But unlike my husband I am not mean. Thank you for your kind concern.

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