My mom is struggling with cancer and might not make it

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My mom is struggling with cancer and might not make it

by Mari0512 on Wed Jun 20, 2018 03:17 PM

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I decided to make an account on this website as a way of coping with my mom's cancer and seeing the amount of love and support I read on board discussions related to cancer.

I'm 17 years old and I have a family consisting of my mom, my dad, and my sister who has autism. My mom has been a long standing survivor of cancer. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when I was 12 years old. Since then, she has beaten it but it keeps coming back periodically. This is the third time the cancer came back and it has spread and she stuggles with Bowel Obstruction. She cannot eat and has been staying at the hospital for a while and might be coming back home tomorrow. The chemo isn't working and the doctors don't want to put her through surgery since the risks outweigh the benefits. There is a chance that my mom might not live long and that's what scares me the most. She is feeling fine as of right now but obviously that's not really the case. The hospital will put her on housecare to comfort her through these hard times. My mom is still pretty young (she's 48), and the thought of not having her still early in my life is hard.

I've been trying to help my dad around the house and I'm babysitting my sister everyday. I've also been trying to distract myself with anything and I've also been praying, and it seems to be working. However, I wake up every single day with the fear and anxiety that my mom will just vanish and I won't be right beside her when she does. If time and God does let me, my only wish before my mom dies is that she gets to see me graduate and possibly see my sister go to middle school.

I'm also worried about my sister because she is still very young, and as I mentioned before, she has autism. I don't think she really comprehends my mom's situation and if my mom dies, I don't know how my sister will cope with her not being around since she is still young and is very attached with my mom.

I'm also worried about my dad because he is the only adult in our household and lost his parents early in my childhood. He has his brother and his family nearby to help with him, but I woory that he will get too stressed out and will break down. However, he seems to cope with it fine.

It's hard for me to talk to anyone because I want to be strong for my sister and my dad, and I'm afraid my friends might not fully understand it. However, since they all live with single parents due to divorce maybe I can come to them about that. The only person I really talk to about my situation is my long-distanced boyfriend who has seen death in his family and really helps me get through each day with comfort and facetime calls.

I just hope that God and time will let my mom live for a long time until the day she does pass away, hopefully by the time I've graduated from high school and in college and my sister goes off to middle school. If anyone has any advice or comfort, please feel free to share.

RE: My mom is struggling with cancer and might not make it

by Mari0512 on Thu Jun 21, 2018 06:01 PM

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To whoever who will read this, I just talked to my dad the other day last night and I asked him about my mom's plans for the future. He said that my mom is willing to go through more treatments and is willing to fight more, but even with the treatments the cancer will return. So as of right now my mom is just going to take medication to relive her symptoms and be more comfortable. The hospital already set up her bed downstairs in my house where she will be sleeping. With the medications and the treatments, its estimated that my mom will have about 6-12 months to live.

A lot of things are happening right now as its still hard to cope with it, but it still brings me comfort that a lot of people are helping us. Its not gonna be easy, and I am still hoping for a miracle but I hope that things will get easier to cope with and that I still get to have my mom with me for a long period of time. I don't have a lot of biological family here, compared back to the Philippines where most of my family is, but I just have to make the best of everything I have.

Any advice or comfort is welcomed.

RE: My mom is struggling with cancer and might not make it

by ZippyBeta on Thu Jun 21, 2018 08:58 PM

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Sorry that your Mom is struggling, have you looked into CBD oil? I know if you check the other forums you might find more info. 

RE: My mom is struggling with cancer and might not make it

by Mari0512 on Fri Jun 22, 2018 02:36 PM

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No I haven't, maybe I'll read into it and talk to my parents about it. Thank you for the suggestion.

RE: My mom is struggling with cancer and might not make it

by PCWife on Fri Jun 22, 2018 03:24 PM

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Your mom probably knows already how lucky she is to have a daughter as thoughtful as you.  She obviously does not want to give up.  I'm so sorry for your Mom's and your family's struggles.  I hope that the simple and courageous act of writing your eloquent post has brought you some level of of comfort and relief from your stress.

Doing some research for your family might also provide a feeling of some control in what feels like a helpless situation.  Maybe you can help create a support system for you, your Dad and sister for after your Mom can no longer be your sister's main care giver.  Your teachers and guidance counselor at school, family friends and neighbors, clergy, the local hospital, even her oncologist office may have some very good resources  for you.  Believing that your family will continue to thrive after she is gone will be a comfort to you all, including your mom.  Especially your mom.  It doesn't have to be monumental...the smallest of efforts have a way of turning into major differences after time.  Try not to feel like everything will fall on to you to take care of everyone else.  Let others know when you need help.  Never, ever give up on your education and college plans.  Never. 

Your dad is going to get stressed out, for sure.  He will do his best to stay strong for everyone but the body is not built to keep it all inside for too long.  It will come out in some way that will probably be uncharacteristic for him.  Forgive him, comfort him, hug him when he cries.  Reassure him that the 3 of you will get through this together.

One day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time.

RE: My mom is struggling with cancer and might not make it

by Mari0512 on Sat Jun 23, 2018 05:29 PM

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Thank you so much. In the past few days, a lot of my family and friends have visited to see my mom and it's nice to see her have a lot of support. She also has a nurse that visits her.

I'm feeling a lot better now about the situation and I will try to keep my head up. My dad also has his brother and family nearby to help him and he also gets a lot of calls from family and friends and its comforting to see that.

RE: My mom is struggling with cancer and might not make it

by Lahla on Wed Jul 04, 2018 06:27 PM

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Hi Mari0512, Wow- I really feel for you and admire your strength and love for your family. I am a brain cancer freeish mom with a husband and two daughters, my oldest is also 17. Additionally, I lost my mom to cancer, so I have the perspective of both a loving daughter of a mom with cancer as well as a mom with cancer with loving daughters. I can tell you are doing everything you can to help your mom and family. I feel your love through your words. I’m sure your mom and family do too. There are some things you can can control in this situation and some you can’t. Unfortunately, None of us know exactly what the future will hold, but we can make the best plans to deal with it. It sounds like you’re doing so much for others. Your love is so strong and means so much! But also remember to show and receive love and support yourself. It sounds like your boyfriend is helping you process and deal with things. That’s really great. You may also need additional support and help though. Some hospitals have support groups or you may find more friends that are helpful in that area. Just keep your eyes and heart open. It seems like those types of friends just “show up”. It’s also ok if you need to get away and do different things sometimes. Sometimes your brain, heart, and body need to recharge. Be extra kind to and gentle with yourself as well. You’re a very special person, daughter, sister, and friend. Love wins.
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