Post days

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Post days

by eternalife on Fri Jul 27, 2018 09:07 PM

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Hi all,

Those who remember me, it's been 5 years today since my beloved husband died of EC. There are many days when I tell myself things may have turned out differently if not for the curse of cancer.

I go forward however, picking up the pieces and trusting that there is more to my story as I grow old.

For those, who still have hope and love on their side.. don't give up, don't waste any time, stay tuned in to your loved one, keep space for yourself and give yourself permission to be all that you can be. Time waits for no one.

Sending cyberhugs to those who care and remember my story.

RE: Post days

by Dlynn1210 on Fri Jul 27, 2018 10:10 PM

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On Jul 27, 2018 9:07 PM eternalife wrote:

Hi all,

Those who remember me, it's been 5 years today since my beloved husband died of EC. There are many days when I tell myself things may have turned out differently if not for the curse of cancer.

I go forward however, picking up the pieces and trusting that there is more to my story as I grow old.

For those, who still have hope and love on their side.. don't give up, don't waste any time, stay tuned in to your loved one, keep space for yourself and give yourself permission to be all that you can be. Time waits for no one.

Sending cyberhugs to those who care and remember my story.

I was diagnosed with tonsil cancer in 2007 and have been on CC since then. I do remember your posts - what a wonderful message you just shared. One that everyone should always keep in mind. Diana

RE: Post days

by PunkyD on Sun Jul 29, 2018 06:34 AM

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On Jul 27, 2018 9:07 PM eternalife wrote:

Hi all,

Those who remember me, it's been 5 years today since my beloved husband died of EC. There are many days when I tell myself things may have turned out differently if not for the curse of cancer.

I go forward however, picking up the pieces and trusting that there is more to my story as I grow old.

For those, who still have hope and love on their side.. don't give up, don't waste any time, stay tuned in to your loved one, keep space for yourself and give yourself permission to be all that you can be. Time waits for no one.

Sending cyberhugs to those who care and remember my story.

Hi,

Of course I remember you. Nice to hear from you. I'm glad to hear that you are moving forward, living your life. I'm sure it's not easy.

Wishing you only happiness, peace and positivity.

Punky

RE: Post days

by StephenS on Tue Aug 21, 2018 08:57 PM

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Just stopped by for a second and saw your post.  I am so glad you are able to move forward with life.  I am still stuck. Every once in a while there is a glimmer of light but then it clouds back over again.  I know I must go forward and I put on a brave face and I am there for my family, just as they are for me, but without a next best friend life still is barely worth the living.  Well enough of my self pity.  Happy you posted and wish you all the best.

RE: Post days

by StanToronto on Thu Aug 23, 2018 06:00 PM

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StephenS

Stephen, it is good to hear from you again, and you can't imagine how encouraging it is to hear from a soulmate who declares. "I am there for my family, just as they are for me, but without a next best friend life still is barely worth the living." 

After three years, I feel the very same way. :-( Although I have everything, without her, I have nothing!

I have a very close very functional family, yet the one person who made all of that possible is no longer at my side, which tends to dimminish it's comparative importance. I awaken each morning, wondering if there is anything I should do that day, or if there is something that might interest me, searching for something that might be important, but I can't think of anything. There is just nothing in this world that interests me any more. I don't think it is going to change in ensuing years. It's just the new reality, the new state of being.

But you posting has been very important to me in accepting my feelings with less guilt, knowing I am not alone.

RE: Post days

by StephenS on Mon Aug 27, 2018 01:41 PM

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Stan, I can't remember if you ever mentioned your age or not. I remember your bouts with injuries/sickness but not sure about your age.  In any event, and oh by the way I am 72 if I failed to mention that, if you are retired, which I am not as that is what makes life worth living still, then you absolutely positively need to volunteer your time to some organization near you, be it a school, as a school aid, or at the hospital or at your church.  Interaction is the key to battling loneliness and staleness of thoughts and mental activeity. You have become such a good friend and I only wish to give you a kick in the butt to get you moving forward and finding something to rejuvenate your spirit.  Oh by the way my community has a site where they post about sixty different groups that offer anything from bridge [card game] to hiking and camping, to going on vacations together.  You must try.  Your wife, like mine, probably told you to live your life and not live in sorrow.  I am a great speaker.  Only find it hard to follow my own advice. 

RE: Post days

by StanToronto on Mon Aug 27, 2018 04:06 PM

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Stephen, I am 76 years old. I sort of retired 25 years ago, bought a motorhome, and spent the next 20 years roaming around the continent like vagabonds for two to three months at a time. But I can't honestly say that I have retired, since I still realize a 7 figure annual income from the stock market, which was a convenient way to 'work' while we were on the road. But it's a bit of a stretch to call playing the stock market 'work' !!  :-) It is far too much fun! :-)

As for volunteering outside the home, that is not really an option. I have enough of a challenge just keeping my own house in order, to the point my kids are now encouraging me to hire a housekeeper. :-(

My wife and I never discussed anything about living my life after she was gone, because I think she already knew that when her life ended, mine would too. The only thing we discussed, was how to pass everything on to he kids and grandkids, as simply as possible; and to refrain from being a burden on the kids.

So . . after 3 years, I have searched for something that might grab my interest, but have not found anything, nor have I been able to envision anything that might be worthwhile, although, I still have tio clean out the garage. :-) 

RE: Post days

by StanToronto on Mon Aug 27, 2018 05:26 PM

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Oops! it is not a 7 figure income. It is a 6 figure anual income.

RE: Post days

by Marie55 on Wed Sep 12, 2018 06:10 AM

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Haven't posted in awhile. Just read all the notes and it brings me comfort to see familiar names and how we are all handling our loss. I still go to a support group at my church, not as much for grief after four years of my husband's passing, but for how to live each day alone and also be a support to those who have just lost a loved one. It is still is not easy having no family in my immediate area, though I have a large family. I wish the joy would come back, but it hasn't. Volunteering helps the most and being of service to others. To any newcomer, I recommend a support group. I am involved in eight different organizations so am busy as much as possible. I pray you all have peace each day to just carry on without your loved one and find your purpose once again. Many hugs,

RE: Post days

by StanToronto on Thu Sep 13, 2018 06:32 PM

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Hi Marie,

Sounds as if you have a great support group at your church. I wish we had something like that in my area. All they have here is the 'Grief Share' program, which is not all that great. They start off the meeting by exposing everyone to a 45 minute meaningless video, leaving less than about an hour left for everyone to discuss what is happening. This must be more of a girl thing, because out of our group of 10, I was the only guy there. :-)

I suppose it is some sort of religious organization. These kind of organizations come in two flavours: The bad ones who only want to pontificate, but never listen or answer questions. Then there are the good kinds that welcome questions and sharing ideas.

As I have said before, I have observed that women are much more resilient and much more stable than men in dealing with the death of a spouse. I have my up days, and may down days. Nothing is stable. It's sort of like riding on a roller coaster. It never settles down.  

I admire your resilience in continuing in and supporting a number of worthy organizations. I seem to have slid down in to isolationist mode, where I don't want to be around people, even my own family. Perhaps I am just trying to learn to adapt to, and live in my new reality . . . all alone. :-(  It has only been 3 years and 3 months.

Like you, I pray for God's peace and comfort, but as for the joy to return, I don't believe it will ever happen in this lifetime.  :-( 

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