lost my brother

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lost my brother

by KaylainTx on Thu Jan 27, 2011 04:21 AM

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I've been on the board for a few months but just noticed this section.   My dad has pancreatic cancer stage IV.   That's bad enough!   But we lost my healthy 36 year old brother 3 months ago in an accident.   He had a traumatic brain injury.

He was my very best friend!  The only person besides my dad that I knew I could always count on.    I'm losing my dad and knew that someday I would lose my mom too, but it never crossed  my mind that I would lose my baby brother.  Just when I really need him to!

When does it start to get easier?   So far it just seems to get harder.  The sicker dad gets, the more I miss Kevin.   To make  matters worse,  mom has lost her short term memory now.   They say it's anxiety and stress causing it.   

I feel so very alone and scared!  I still can't believe that Kevin is gone.   We talked every single day and I still hope it's him calling everytime the phone rings even though I know better.    I haven't cleaned out his house yet except for a few of his shirts which I'm keeping.   I've been wearing them A LOT.   They make me feel closer to him.

I've lost grandparents but we never lived in the same state as them growing up so we weren't that close.   This is my first experience with losing an immediate family member.   It's harder than anything I ever could have imagined.   

RE: lost my brother

by zookeeper on Thu Jan 27, 2011 04:34 AM

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I'm so sorry!  We do expect to lose our parents some day, but never our siblings at such a young age.  It's great that you had such a good relationship.  Not many brothers and sisters have that kind of bond.

I hope that those good memories will fill you with comfort soon.

Janice

RE: lost my brother

by REDVETTE on Thu Jan 27, 2011 05:16 AM

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I have read your posts from earlier and remember you talking about the accident that your brother had.   I am so very sorry for your loss; brothers are very special.   I am very close to my brother and cannot imagine life without him.   I pray that your Dad has good health -where in OK does he live - we are in OK.  Hugs and prayers! 

RE: lost my brother

by ILOVEDAD on Thu Jan 27, 2011 02:38 PM

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I am so sorry!  I am hearbroken for you and your family.  My dad is stage 4 as well.  We are devastated, but he's doing very well right now so I am forever grateful.  A tragic loss during this time would TOTALLY shatter my tight family.  Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Amy

 

 

 

 

RE: lost my brother

by KaylainTx on Thu Jan 27, 2011 06:41 PM

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On Jan 27, 2011 5:16 AM REDVETTE wrote:

I have read your posts from earlier and remember you talking about the accident that your brother had.   I am so very sorry for your loss; brothers are very special.   I am very close to my brother and cannot imagine life without him.   I pray that your Dad has good health -where in OK does he live - we are in OK.  Hugs and prayers! 

My brother lived in Edmond, Ok.   My parents still own a house in Cushing, Ok, but  mainly spend their days in Edmond now.   Where are you?

Bad news today from my dad.   His tumor marker test continues the upwards trend for 3 weeks straight now.   They will monitor it for one more week and then make a decision about switching chemos.   Dad is reluctant to switch.   He's on gemzar now without many side effects.    We've been told his other 2 options don't give good quality of lilfe.  :(      

Dad's comment to me today was "it's gonna kill me one day, I don't think the chemo is worth it".

I've never known such sadness and helplessness.   I can't bear the thought of losing both my brother and my dad in just a matter of months.  But there is nothing I can do about it.   I feel like screaming!

RE: lost my brother

by Lorre_G on Thu Jan 27, 2011 07:37 PM

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I saw your message and had to respond.  3 years ago, I was sick and almost died.  It was a hard thing to face.  But I pulled through and here I am.  2 months after that, my sister-in-law committed suicide.  A few weeks after that my mom died rather unexpectedly.  Exactly 13 days after my Mom died my brother died.  He had been diagnosed with a fast moving cancer.  They thought he might live about a week and he hung on for 3 weeks.  A few months later our dog had to be out to sleep after being diagnosed with cancer.  It was more than you think you can bear, but you do.  I had a husband and children who needed me and I had to move forward.  It doesn't mean I didn't grieve, but I couldn't just stop living either, I had others who depended on me to be strong and supportive of the loses they, too, were feeling.  Does it all get better with time?  Yes, you find the will to go on and you return to work and you do the things that need to be done because that's what we do.  You don't forget and you still have the deja vu moments and the thought that the ringing phone is them.  And I sometimes cry when a particularly heart wrenching moment over takes me.  But this is all part of life's cycle.  We will all die, when is not in our hands or even how, but it's the eventual end that we can all expect.  I'm not sure if I'm saying all of this in the best way, but I wanted you to know that I understand your pain and grief.

 

Lorre G.

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