lost my beautiful daughter...

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lost my beautiful daughter...

by trippie on Wed Mar 16, 2011 10:28 PM

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I lost my mother to cancer in 1966, she was 40 yrs old. On Dec 18, 2010, one wk before Christmas, I lost my daughter to cancer she was 42. It took yrs to get over the loss of my mom and now I am trying to  learn how to function again after my daughter is gone...

My daughter had 1st stage breast cancer in 2008, went through therapy and all was well...then started having bone pain in Feb 2010, her dr pretty much brushed it off, then finally ran tests and found cancer in bone, lungs and liver and in a very short time brain. She spent alot of time in and out of hospital, then in Nov dr said there was no hope and we brought her home. I quit my job so I could take care of her and make her as comfortable as possible. I was told being a caregiver is very hard and soon found out just how true that was. Your heart breaks every time you look at the one you love so much suffering and there is nothing you can do.

She left 9 children ages 23-5, she loved her children so much. Her husband worshipped her and they were so happy.

Why is it that once the funeral is over everyone just expects you to "get on with your life"? I feel like I take one step forward and three steps back, havent even went back to work because I know I just cant handle being around others who have their children and mine is gone. I go over the day she died, which lasted 10 hrs, in my mind and the sadness we all shared watching her fight to stay with us.

Dont have any answers at this point and feel very sad...

RE: lost my beautiful daughter...

by GoldDustWoman on Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:26 PM

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Oh my goodness, I have no answers for you.  All I can say is that my daughter is such a part of my being, if I lost her I would lose a part of myself.  This must be how you feel my dear.  Of course you can't get on with your life!!! You've lost part of yourself.  My grandma, who was so dear and close to me and raised me like a mother, lost two of her children.  Her pain was so intense, and she and I were so close, I felt her pain to some degree myself.  I feel it to this day, although she's been gone now for 19 years.  All I can say to you is to have hope that you will see her again, in the next life.  My grandma came to me after her death, and talked to me about the life after this.  My grandma was not a religious woman, quite the opposite actually.  But her spirit lives on within me, as your daughter's will live on within you and her children.  You will see her again, in the next life, this I know for sure.  We can't explain or understand why some beautiful people leave us when it appears to be before their time.  But hang on to your love for her and pass it on to those beautiful grandchildren of yours.

My thoughts and prayers are with you today ~

RE: lost my beautiful daughter...

by trippie on Fri Mar 18, 2011 12:25 AM

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Thank you so much for your sweet message...I have friends who have said the very same thing about a daughter or son that they are close to...and yes I have lost a piece of myself. We talked on the phone almost every day and had fun doing just simple things.

She had 4 little boys and wanted a baby girl so bad and finally was going to get her answer to prayers. Due to her doctor letting her go way past due date, her baby girl kept trying to come but couldnt, they did emergency surgery but was too late the baby had lost oxygen and lived only 2 days. She had named her Miracle, the whole family was together holding Miracle and telling her goodby before the nurse turned her life support off, we had loved this baby from the moment we knew she was pregnant and our hearts were so broken. Tonya and I spent hours talking after that, going over every single detail of our loss..that is how we both healed.

Now I am trying to heal and have no one who wants to talk, getting on with life seems to be what is expected, and I know I will in time but why do people act uncomfortable when her name is mentioned?

I looked and looked for a site to share and vent so this has been a heaven sent..thanks again for your concern!

RE: lost my beautiful daughter...

by number9 on Fri Mar 18, 2011 05:01 AM

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I am so incredibly sorry for the profound depths of heartache in losing your loved ones.

May you find the support you need in this time of grieving, from those here and elsewhere relating to the pain you feel.

peace to your heart.

peace to all our hearts.

RE: lost my beautiful daughter...

by ILOVEDAD on Wed Mar 23, 2011 05:49 PM

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Trippie,

I feel the same way you do about the loss of my dad.  I know parents pass before their children (it's natural) but I never had children.  My love for my dad was as intense as the love for a child.  Sounds korny I know, but my dad was my life.  I lost a wonderful father - a father that loved his wife and children more than anything.  I lost a mentor, business partner and best friend.  I spoke to him numerous times per day about my personal life and business - he loved the phone.  I saw him 5 days a week.  My pain is unbearable!!

I do have a wonderful husband, step daughter, mom, sis, brother and brother in law to be thankful for.  But dad; he was "special".  He had my whole heart - every piece of it and when he died my heart went with him.

Amy

RE: lost my beautiful daughter...

by gigisbaby on Wed Mar 23, 2011 06:21 PM

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Dear Trippie,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved daughter.  I don't think I could bear losing mine.  She is my one and only and we are grieving the loss of her son - my grandson. 

Grief is such a strange world - that unless you've experienced at least some of it - there is no way for anyone to fathom the depth to which your heart will plummet.  And, losing a child is a whole other realm of dispair.

I wish I could say that everything will be all right...but, I do not know that to be true.  Over time the pain will lessen and not be sooooo acute - it will tone down to a dull ache, but your life is forever changed.  It's not something you will "get over".    There is no timeline - no guidebook - no right or wrong way to do it.

Will you smile again - yes

Will you love again - yes

Will you live again - yes

Can you HOPE again - GOD I HOPE so!

But, there will always be a little part of your heart that is lost forever.

Peace, Comfort and Compassion coming your way.

Suzzanne

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