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by sanjim on Thu Mar 31, 2011 02:22 PM

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I did a post yesterday, I guess this is a part of dealing with my loss. I have been thinking a lot about the past few years, My husband retired at the age of 53, dx when he was 57, aand died when he was 60. After he retired we made a major more in our lifes, we move to the south, we bought a farm, and really enjoyed our farm life. My husband and really love this place, we were together all of the time. He died March 6,2011, we had talked about his passing and I honored all of his wishes, he wanted to die at home, he wanted to be cremated, no funeral service, he did agree that we could hold a memorial service at our home. My neighbor and friends were great, we had service were anyone who wanted to share there favorite memories of him, my neighbors have a band they sang and played all afternoon, we had picnic, to me this was a GREAT way to remember him, he often said we should celebrate his life. I really think that he would have enjoyed his Goodbye Party. My husband was always upbeat and happy, and all of the wonderful stories that were shared that day.

Now I am dealing with missing him, one day at a time is the way we lived our lifes and in his honor I will continue to do so, remembering good time, and continue to go on, I know that is what he wanted.

Sharing my memories is helping me to cope,


RE: Remembering

by ILOVEDAD on Thu Mar 31, 2011 03:35 PM

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Keep sharing.  March 6th - so awful for both of us.  A day we will never ever forget.  A day our hearts broke into a zillion piece - dad used to be the one that picked up the pieces to my shattered heart.   

I too have soooooo many incredible memories of my dad from the time I was a child up until the day he died.  He was an incredible father.  Very involved in his families day to day lives.  Honestly, the pain is unbearable at times for me.

I keep thinking; "How am I going to live the rest of my life without the man who meant so much to me?"  I honestly don't know the answer to that question.

I am living a nightmare yet I am so thankful for my wonderful husband, stepdaughter, mother, sister, two brothers and many many friends.  Without their support I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed in the morning.

I have told my close friends - Don't worry about knowing what to say to me.  There is absolutely nothing you can say or do for me that will make me feel better.  I am in that much pain.  Just understand me and support me and know I hate feeling this way and know that I don't wish this pain on anyone.  I am trying to move on - a little more each day, but it's very very hard.  The people who really know me understood my unconditional love and devotion to my wonderful father - and it went both ways.  His mere presence was electrifying. People told me through the years that I had a great dad - hell, I knew that.  I'd just smile back and say; I know and I'm so thankful to have him.  Others that weren't as close to me who attended his funeral said to me; Wow, you guys were so close.  Do you know how lucky you were to have a dad like that?  Again, I know.  Just so unfair that most of these people still have their dad's and somehow I am to be soooo grateful for the dad I did have and for the tons of memories.  Not enough.  Why me, why my dad????????

While dad was sick I wanted so much for time to stand still.  I saw him almost everyday and I relished in every single moment. His face, his smile, his voice, his smell, his kind words, his hugs and his kisses.  I told him I loved him every day.  I can still remember him with me like it was yesterday that he was still here yet I haven't talked to or hugged him in almost a month.  

He handled his sickness and prognosis with optimism and courage.  I will never forget it and hope that when and if I am ever faced with such adversity, I can handle it half the way he did. 

Dad - You know how I am feeling, please please help me.

Thanks for listening...


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