About memories.....

4 Posts | Page(s): 1 

About memories.....

by KaylainTx on Thu Mar 31, 2011 08:51 PM

Quote | Reply

You know how people say that you will always have your memories????   Well.....my brother has been gone for 5 months and I still can only remember the bad times after his accident and before he died.    When will all of our good memories come back?    We were super close and talked every single day.   There are thousands of memories locked away somewhere in my brain.   Where did they go?

I so desperately want the bad memories to go away and the good ones to return............

RE: About memories.....

by sanjim on Fri Apr 01, 2011 01:54 PM

Quote | Reply

I think I know how you feel, it has only been a month since my husbnd passed, it is hard to remember the good times. the last few months of his life he was very ill, near the end he was not in his right mind, it was so difficult to see him that way, he would ask for one thing and what someting totally different. I cared for him at home until the end. I keep  telling myself that he is out of pain and he is in a better place, I will see him again when God wants me to be with him again. I think the good memories will come in time. I have looked at some old photos that seems to help. I miss soooooo very much! At one good cry a day, all we can do is pray that God will ease our pain and return all of the good memories.

RE: About memories.....

by The_Wife on Fri Apr 01, 2011 02:28 PM

Quote | Reply

It has been 3+ years since my husband died of pancreatic cancer, which I know your dad has as well. Your comment about your brother really hit home for me because for a long time, I could not get the image of my husband's last days and how he looked out of my head. I learned that many of our friends felt the same way. I am happy to tell you that, when I remember him now, I remember the good times as much as the bad. What helped me was consciously refusing to dwell on those final images and making myself remember happy times. Looking at pictures of happy times really helped but I truly believe that TIME was the great healer. Give yorself time. Your loss is still so new and you are dealing with your dad as well. What you are feeling is 100% normal. You will heal because you are a strong person- just allow this time of grief to take its course. It will get better.

RE: About memories.....

by trippie on Sun Apr 03, 2011 10:33 PM

Quote | Reply

your post really hit how i am feeling...about the images of your husbands last days. my daughter died dec. 18, 2010, she was in such terrible pain and since the cancer had spread to the brain, she couldnt talk but the look in her eyes said it all..fear, sadness and all that goes with knowing you are leaving your children and family after fighting so hard.

she was at home the last two six weeks, the day she died was so horrible..the hospice nurse told us at 7 a.m. she had no blood pressure and would not live much longer...she passed at 5 p.m. all i see are her wide eyes looking at us like she wanted answers to why this was happening while we cried and told her how much we loved her and the happiness she would have waiting for her in heaven...the nurse had told us she would probably have a peaceful death and just go to sleep..was anything but...she fought and struggled up until she took her final breath...i cant get that image out of my mind, my son in law had a hard time even looking at her and didnt want a open casket unless the funeral home could somehow help her look like herself and peaceful..which they did a wonderful job.

the time that has gone by feels so unreal..i still cannot believe she is actually gone and at this point looking at her pictures i dont feel the comfort just the loss and pain.

from day one i have felt horrible guilt thinking that we as a family didnt do enough somehow someway to get her more treatment...it is sooo unfair and so very wrong, leaving her children and after a terrible failed marriage meeting her sole mate but then only having each other for 4 yrs...

i thought finally going back to work would help after being gone for almost 5 months, but my daughter had worked with me part time so i look around and remember the fun we had.....

i lost my mom to cancer when she was 40 i had just turned 18 and she was all i had, took years to get over the anger and hurt so know it will come sometime but is my very worse nightmare.....

sorry to be so long, just needed to talk to others who are where i am and those who have been here..helps so much! thanks

 

4 Posts | Page(s): 1 
Subscribe to this message board discussion

Latest Messages

View More

We care about your feedback. Let us know how we can improve your CancerCompass experience.