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My love my new pain

8 Posts | Page(s): 1 

My love my new pain

by bevie665 on Sat Aug 27, 2011 03:38 AM

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Hi there and pardon me, as i am new here,  hope i won't make a fool of myself,   I just lost my dear hubby of 10 years last Thursday  8/18/11   , he actually passed on our tenth anniv to the date,  anyway he has kidney Cancer that spread to his rib, spine, lymph nodes,   and then  1 month later he was dx. with lung cancer also, not spread just ANOTHER  major cancer,     both were stage 4 and surgery was no option,   anyway i just lost him  and i HURT SOOOO TERRIBLY    ,   does it ever ease ???/  and its only been less than 2 weeks,   OH God i hurt so badly.

 

Thank you and god bless to all,

 

 

                           Bev

RE: My love my new pain

by Tiger50 on Sat Aug 27, 2011 07:05 AM

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On Aug 27, 2011 3:38 AM bevie665 wrote:

Hi there and pardon me, as i am new here,  hope i won't make a fool of myself,   I just lost my dear hubby of 10 years last Thursday  8/18/11   , he actually passed on our tenth anniv to the date,  anyway he has kidney Cancer that spread to his rib, spine, lymph nodes,   and then  1 month later he was dx. with lung cancer also, not spread just ANOTHER  major cancer,     both were stage 4 and surgery was no option,   anyway i just lost him  and i HURT SOOOO TERRIBLY    ,   does it ever ease ???/  and its only been less than 2 weeks,   OH God i hurt so badly.

 

Thank you and god bless to all,

 

 

                           Bev

Hello Bevie,  I wish that I could tell you it stops hurting. I am still there, My Love passed away on May 19th and sometimes it hurts so bad that I just wrap my arms around myself and ache and rock and cry.  Then, I look at our picture that sets on his dresser and know that he is here with me and that gives me the strength to go on.  We were married 40 years and 9 months. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.  Deb  

RE: My love my new pain

by Broken on Sat Aug 27, 2011 12:03 PM

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bevle665,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I as well lost my husband of 43 years on August 17, 2010 so I just celebrated the one year mark and yes, it is just a wee bit better.  The shock is finally turned to reality but the deep sorrow & loss comes in waves.  Sometimes I'll be fine for a few days and wham, it hits.  I've finally realized this is not an easy journey we are all on and each one of us may experience different severity in the greaving process.  I take one minute at a time & try to stay busy.

Yes, the hurt is so devistating but we just have to take it as it comes and know that with time it will get better.

My heartfelt hugs & prayers go out to you. 

Broken

RE: My love my new pain

by bevie665 on Sat Aug 27, 2011 01:20 PM

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Thank you so very much, i do have a sister in law who compares losing her husband to my loss and that hurts more so too, almost like she doesn't  want me to have my own feelings,  she says every day gets easier,   ( well her hubby died in bed with another woman  )  mine was very faithful,   i sometimes think she hurts me moreso,          Thank you and God Bless you in your loss also,   please feel free to stay in touch with me also,

 

 

                        God Bless you from,'

 

                                                 Bev

 

RE: My love my new pain

by eastwest on Sun Aug 28, 2011 01:47 PM

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Hi Bev  I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.

 It is 4 and half months since my husband Phil died. Days are hard but nights seem endless and yet somehow you make it through each day. 

 You won't make a fool of yourself here.

I have read some really helpful books that have showed me what we are going through is normal. Here are the names you might want to check out: The Tender Scar by Richard Mabry(he is dr who lost his wife), Being a Widow by Lynn Caine( a practical guide)

Then there a few that are for anyone who is grieveing the lose of a loved one: Winter Grief Summer Grace by James Miller(beautiful with pics, poetry, biblical) Also The Healing Journey through Grief by Phil Rich EdD,MSW( which is a journal for reflection and recovery. Irene

RE: My love my new pain

by bevie665 on Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:30 AM

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Thank you so very much for your reply and for the names of those books, i will look into them.

 

I fully agree about nights are so terrible,   last night i know i heard my Gary calling me and yet could not find him anywhere, IT WAS MORE THAN HORRIBLE  .

 

My loves funeral service was just last Monday and i went to church today,   i wanted to avoid that but many told me that was the best place i could be at,    well i made a crying fool of myself, well i felt stupid   and then only to get a call as church was ending my 2 y/o grandaughter drank some nail polish remover, boy did i fly out of the church  only to get to the parking lot to not be able to find my car,( it was there)     i just wasn't thinking at all, silly me

 

Thank you for your response and God Bless you and yours,

 

                          Bev

RE: My love my new pain

by eastwest on Mon Aug 29, 2011 05:47 PM

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Hi Bev   We find comfort in various places and ways and with different people. You will find what works for you. Though nothing removes the grief.

One woman I have known for 30 yrs but we only talked about once a year even though we live less than 3 miles apart. She has been such a help and comfort to me since Phil died and she still has her husband(and a poor marriage unfortunately). She checks on me daily via phone and we go out to lunch once a week.

 So many of my married friends just don't get the depth and won't until they go thru it and unfortunately the fact of life is that either the husband or wife will be alone at some point. Somehow we don't look at it that way while both husband and wife are alive.

No matter long sickness or instant death we are never prepared for the grief that follows. All we can do is be here for each other. 

Hope your granddaughter is well. 

Irene

RE: My love my new pain

by eastwest on Mon Aug 29, 2011 05:47 PM

Quote | Reply

Hi Bev   We find comfort in various places and ways and with different people. You will find what works for you. Though nothing removes the grief.

One woman I have known for 30 yrs but we only talked about once a year even though we live less than 3 miles apart. She has been such a help and comfort to me since Phil died and she still has her husband(and a poor marriage unfortunately). She checks on me daily via phone and we go out to lunch once a week.

 So many of my married friends just don't get the depth and won't until they go thru it and unfortunately the fact of life is that either the husband or wife will be alone at some point. Somehow we don't look at it that way while both husband and wife are alive.

No matter long sickness or instant death we are never prepared for the grief that follows. All we can do is be here for each other. 

Hope your granddaughter is well. 

Irene

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