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My first birthday without my daughter...

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My first birthday without my daughter...

by trippie on Tue Aug 30, 2011 09:37 PM

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I knew this first year without Tonya would be my worse nightmare, and the day of my birthday made me feel like she had just left.

Of course every holiday and event we remember how it was before the cancer and before she suffered for seven months and then was gone but guess birthdays are the worse. Hers will be here in Nov, my heart breaks just thinking of it.

There are days when I dont want to leave the house, i feel so very hurt, defeated and even guilty...wonder how many have the guilty feelings of "if only" second opinion, different doctor, different treatment and on and on?

My (ex) son in law actually did go on with his life..met and moved a woman in within 5 months of Tonyas death!! (could have been sooner thats when i found out) I was so angry and told him i guessed he could replace a wife easier then i could a daughter and my other daughter could a sister!

Sorry to vent, but is one of those days...

RE: My first birthday without my daughter...

by eastwest on Tue Aug 30, 2011 11:29 PM

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I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved daughter Tonya.

It's okay to vent.  Healthy. Gotta let it out.

My bday is on the 16th of Sept and it will be just 5 months and a week since Phil died. Knew him since I was 12 and we were married for 40yrs. Lots of bdays together. People say "You were so lucky to have a good marriage all those years together." like that makes the grief easier.

I think most of grieving have the guilt feelings. I know I do. Wish we had gotten to the U of Penn hospital 6 months earlier when the other one said it was NOT cancer. Hard to not think those thoughts at times even when it doesn't change where we are at this moment.

 Not to be sexist but all info points to many men remarrying a lot sooner after their spouse has died then women.

 Your former SIL will never replace Tonya and I am sure he realizes it even if he is with someone.

At a widow/widower support group someone mentioned how each person's grief is different. That I am grieving for my husband but might someday remarry(I don't see that happening) but that my son's have lost their dad forever. Like you have lost your daughter. 

 Hugs Irene

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