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Another day

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Another day

by sanjim on Sun Sep 04, 2011 02:50 PM

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I t has been six months since I lost my dear husband, sometimes it is still like a bad dream, please somebody wake me, then I realize it is not a dream (nightmare) and he is really gone. everyday I think about him taking that last breathe, I could see the pain leave his body and a peace come over him, and I am so very thankful for that, the calm and peace. I just miss him so very much. I have good days and bad days, this is going to be a bad one.

Sandra

RE: Another day

by joannebrowne on Sun Sep 04, 2011 03:52 PM

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HI Sandra;

I think the fact that you are reaching out and people as myself will 'think of you today' and say a prayer, your day may be a little better as each hour goes by. It is wonderful that you saw the peace that came over him,this in itself will give you comfort little by little. But only you know your thoughts and feelings,be patient with yourself .

God Bless

joanne

RE: Another day

by joannebrowne on Sun Sep 04, 2011 03:52 PM

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HI Sandra;

I think the fact that you are reaching out and people as myself will 'think of you today' and say a prayer, your day may be a little better as each hour goes by. It is wonderful that you saw the peace that came over him,this in itself will give you comfort little by little. But only you know your thoughts and feelings,be patient with yourself .

God Bless

joanne

RE: Another day

by sanjim on Sun Sep 04, 2011 08:39 PM

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Thank you and God Bless,  Joanne

RE: Another day

by eastwest on Sun Sep 04, 2011 09:01 PM

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Hi Sandra

  It will be 5 months this Thursday that Phil passed. I didn't know he was so close to dying that day(and the visiting nurse who saw him just the hr before didn't either)and I fell asleep in the chair beside him and when the phone rang an hr later I woke and he was gone.

Like you I know my husband is at peace. He fought with all he had. I just miss him so much.

I visited the cemetary today and have been hoping that the beautiful headstone I ordered will be there by my birthday on the 16th. Is that some crazy wish for a birthday??? But what else can I wish for if he isn't here? It has a beautiful lake scene and boat with 2 people fishin'. That would be us!

Our 9 yr old grandson is stepping up to help me and Phil would be so proud. He came with me to the vets last evening and he said that next yr (if his daddy lets him) he is going to mow the grass for me.

 I wish it was a nasty dream that we could wake from and have our husband beside us.

Sending you hugs today. Irene(not the hurricane)

RE: Another day

by sanjim on Mon Sep 05, 2011 01:17 PM

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Hi Irene,

After nearly 4 years of battling cancer the nurse told me the day before Jim died that he was near death, we had a hospice nurse here with us when he left this world, several of my friends were here with us when he passed, it is a day that I would somehow like to forget, but at this point I can not get out of my mind. He fought a good fight, but the cancer took him in the end.

I hope that you get your birthday wish, it may be crazy to somd peoplebut I know how you feel, Jim was cremated and as he wanted and I keep his ashes in our bedroom, I will alsobe cremated and then the ashes will be mixed and scattered.

I am going to make today a better day, I also wish we could be awakened from this dream and be with our husbands again, but is is not what God has planned for us, I think someday we will understand why we were left behind.

Hugs to you!! Sandra

 

RE: Another day

by eastwest on Mon Sep 05, 2011 08:41 PM

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Hi Sandra 

 I was a hospice nurse for close to 20 yrs. I knew Phil was so ill but the day before he was pulling in our recycling cans and an hr before he died he put on the baseball game and asked me for some crushed ice. There were so many times I could predict due to the signs how close someone was to dying but I missed my own husband's and so did the visiting nurse even though she and i had spoken a few days before and she said You know we are entering another stage. I knew it was the dying stage but thought he had more time. But I think this is the way he would have wanted to go. I can imagine him looking over and seeing me curled up asleep and thinking now is the time. No fanfare. Just his way. I think he'd much rather see me sleeping than crying in those last moments and him not being able to do anything to help me.

Damn cancer. I was badly abused as a small child and the woman who did that is still alive and yet the dear man who loved me is gone and I can't figure out why. Irene

RE: Another day

by teachoz on Mon Sep 05, 2011 11:53 PM

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Dear Irene and Sandra,

I lost my husband, Joe, 15 months ago, and I can tell you that it does get better as time goes on.  I am so thankful that we had 36 years together; 36 years of being best friends and sharing so many wonderful things together. My husband and I fished all the time!!

I was in denial the first few months, and then started accepting the fact that he was gone.  This summer has been good for me. I am living in my camping trailer in the campground we have been in for 18 years, and I feel Joe all around me. My neighbors and I have even shared some good, healthy laughs, as we imagine Joe joining in our conversations, and what he would say and how he would say it. He was a real character!

I recently had cataract surgery, and I missed him terribly during that because he had always been there for me when I had medical stuff going on, and calmed me down. I felt very lonely that day. There are days when my eyes fill with tears, but more days when a smile crosses my face when I am reminded of something we did together.

I hope you both will continue to hang in there, and don't beat yourselves up that you didn't know your husbands were going to die when they did. They left this world the way they needed to, and they are at peace now. That is what's important!

All my best to you both!

Mary Ann

 

RE: Another day

by eastwest on Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:29 PM

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Hi Mary Ann 

Glad to hear that things are better for you at 15 months into widowhood. I've heard some say that the second year is worse. Guess it is an individual experience. I think sharing about our loved one with others helps a lot. When we can reminece and wonder at what our husband/wife would have said or thought and after so many years together we pretty much know, don't we?

I can see Phil glancing at my fishing license and shaking his head because I have not gone down to our lake this year. I guess I better take our grandchildren and put lines in the water. Irene

RE: Another day

by sanjim on Tue Sep 06, 2011 11:35 PM

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Hi Mary Ann,

My husband retired in 2004  and we have always been very close, after he retired we were together almost 24/7, we both got a part time job at a hotel and we worked together until he was dx with cancer. I continued to work for about a year and than my back started giving me problems and I had to have surgery, after that we were together all of the time, we went to Dr appointments together, Looking back now I kinda think it was a good thing when I had to quit working, by this time he needed me to be with him more, we had good times along with the  bad. I do think about the good times we had and cherish all of the good times we had over the years. I am trying not to beat myself up to much, it is I miss him so much, my friends have been telling me that I know Jim would want me to go on with my life and be happy. I do have good happy memories and laugh with our friends when we are remembering Jim.

 Maybe Jim, Joe and Phil are together just waiting for us to join them when our time comes. This message board helps me to cope at time, sharing my thought with you all helps me get through some really hard times.

Thank you all for for listening, it helps more than you all know.  I do tend to rambler on.

My best to all of you for caring.

Sandra

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