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Just ended treatment

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Just ended treatment

by wishuponastar on Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:11 AM

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My mom had her last oncology appointment today. They stopped her treatment and gave her 2-8 weeks. I'm numb about it right now because I did see it coming, but my dad is most upset. I have a feeling something will remind me of her and it will hit me like a ton of bricks; much like last week. I mostly could use some advice on how to tell my friends and family. I don't feel like calling every person up - I don't even feel like talking to my husband. But I know they would appreciate knowing.

Also, my father is a wreck. His birthday is this Sunday and I'm not sure if I should do anything at all. I am going with his this week to pick out a casket and make arrangements so we won't have to worry about it when the time comes. We aren't an emotional family and up until this I never saw him cry - that's all I see him doing now. I keep trying to offer specific help but he says he can do it - he wouldn't even let me have dinner with him tonight. I understand him wanting time alone but alone time is almost all he gets except for when he's with mom. I feel as though I can do something more for him but I can't think straight to come up with it on my own. Any suggestions?

RE: Just ended treatment

by eastwest on Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:31 AM

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Hi Wishuponastar   Your father might say forget about his birthday but chances are your Mom would want you to have something. Especially since this may be one of the last times they will share a special holiday.

 I know last Christmas I was in no mood to do anything about the holiday. But if I hadn't I would not have that memory to cherish now of my husband and my last one together. After Phil died both our sons came with me but I picked out the cards and casket. They said "whatever you want Mom." I was so glad they were there for support. And even if your Dad makes those decisions on his own I know how thankful he will be that you are there for him.

 I would just mention your Mom's condition to a few that you are close to. Don't overtax yourself. You will need all the energy you can muster as time goes on. It is overwhelming. 

You could also ask your Mom if there is anyone special she would like told or that she wants to see. Later you can delegate someone to help make calls. So sorry there isn't more we can do. Irene

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