another first ...went to a play

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another first ...went to a play

by eastwest on Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:28 PM

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Another first last night. Told a girl friend a few weeks ago how Phil and I used to go to the local plays and she'd never been so I got tickets.

Then yesterday I felt myself freeze and maybe had a bit of a temper tantrum? I didn't want to go. I don't want to do the the things we did without him and I don't want to do new things we didn't do together. I wouldn't mind becoming a hermit crab like the grandchildren have that only come out after everyone has gone to sleep.

But I did it. My friend really enjoyed it so that made me happy, though I found The Glass Menagerie rather sad.  I thought about how Phil and I would have discussed it later. Such joy to share thoughts with your best friend now gone. Irene

RE: another first ...went to a play

by sanjim on Mon Oct 03, 2011 12:54 PM

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Hi Irene,

I am so happy to hear that you had a good time, I have found myself hacving the same feelings, not wanting to do things that Jim and I did together. My son is keeping me going, he goes bowling two times a week and we go to the karaoka sometime two times a week. Wednesday is my sons 34th birthday and Thursdaywould have been my husband 61st birthday. My son wants to have a party at the karaoka cafe on Thursday, I am planning to have what he wants ,he and his Dad always celebrated there birthdays together, he wants to continue the tradition and remember his Dad.  You telling us about going to the play has helped me to go on with this first, Thank you for sharing another first, you have helped me through so hard times. I am still having a problems with Sundays,(Jim died on Sunday) I tend to try to stay alone and all I can do is think about Jim leaving. My son makes me get together with friends.

Hopefully someday we will be be sharing all of the joys of life. I know that I will never forget what Jim and I had together, and I will learn to enjoy life without Jim, I have been told that the first years is the hardest, I am looking forward to coming to the end of the first year.

I am rambling on again, it help to share what we are going through together.

Sandra

 

RE: another first ...went to a play

by eastwest on Mon Oct 03, 2011 05:40 PM

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Hi Sandra     I've heard some say that the second year is bad or worse. I am only up to 6 months this Friday in this "new normal" but I think perhaps I know why the 2nd could feel worse. Phil's birthday was 2 weeks after he passed and I really don't remember it. I think some of that first year we are still numb and that is why some things seem to hurt more the second. But everyone is different in experienceing their grief.

 A bit of anger has been seeping out of me lately. I bought new bathroom stuff this weekend and came home and pulled all the tropical stuff down. That was from the dream(which i guess was pure fantasy) of us going to the Keys that we were never able to do for our 40th. I would kid Phil when I was going to take a bath and say, "I am going to my island." Like i was practicing. My cousin and his wife are planning on going for a month during the coming winter and have invited me for a week. Just don't know if I will be up for that. But they are good company so maybe I will make the effort. I know things move on and I guess I ahve to learn it with my baby steps, stumbling and crawling here.

 I am glad you can celebrate your son's birthday. I am getting a bit better with them as we had a bunch this summer.

hugs Irene

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