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new dream

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new dream

by eastwest on Wed Oct 05, 2011 06:38 PM

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Hello friends 

 I've been troubled as some of you might be at times with: Did I do enough? Could I have done more? Would Phil still be alive IF ONLY I had gotten him to the better hospital 6 months earlier.

I know nothing can change that he has passed.

 Anyway last night I had a dream. To my disappointment Phil was not visibly in it. But I felt him in the background. And I felt he didn't show himself to me because then I would not have concentrated on the message and the messenger, only on him.

The person who appeared was his "Aunt Martha". She was his foster parent from the time he was about 8 yrs old. She was a strict woman and kinda scared me.( Terrific southern cook too.) When Phil and I got married she said "I doubt they will make it past 6 months." She died about 30 years ago.

Well, last night she appeared in my dream and told me I was a good wife and mother and grandmother. To hear that from her was remarkable and so comforting. Irene

RE: new dream

by mapesuma on Wed Oct 05, 2011 07:59 PM

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Hi Irene,

You have no need to reproach yourself over anything. We have talked and talked through all this journey. You did great and I believe that Phil thinks you did great. It is easy to think of better ways when you have the benefit of hindsight, but all you can do at the time is what seems best at the time with what knowledge you have. You did. Over and over again.

i think this  dream came from Phil, not his Aunt Martha. I think he chose aunt Martha as you would accept that you've done well more easily and thoroughly from her than you would from him. It was a good dream

Hugs,

Sue

RE: new dream

by eastwest on Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:53 AM

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Hi Sue 

Maybe it is human nature to feel we could or should have done more especially in hindsight.

Definitely having Phil's Aunt Martha tell me I was a good wife and mother made a difference. Not someone else who might easily have said those words to me.

 Found a bunch of Christmas and Anniversary cards we sent each other and was crying and little Misty (PHil's pug) was sitting near me and I felt so badly for her after all she has been thru these past months ie: surgery, allergies and nerves. I found a natural chew for her with chamomille, hops and tryptophan at Pet Smart which is helping. Anyway that evening she pulled out her pull toys. First time she has done that since before Phil passed. I guess we both needed to play. Irene

RE: new dream

by jwhal on Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:39 PM

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Believe your dream!!!

RE: new dream

by Dlynn1210 on Thu Oct 06, 2011 01:26 PM

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Hi Irene You are so right when you say it is human nature to ask yourself if you could have done more. You miss Phil so naturally you are thinking along the lines "he could still be here if.... But remember God is in charge. I believe everyone, no matter how strong his/her beliefs, has periods where they ask themselves "could I have done more" but the answer is the same. God chooses the time for us to be born and He alone chooses the time when He will take us to our heavenly home. Nothing we do is going to change that. When it is not our time, He intervenes laying out paths to excellent doctors and hospitals but when He is ready to take us, there is no one here on Earth that is going to override His decision. You know, God gave us the greatest gift when a loved one departs - memories - how truly wonderful are they!!! As for Phil's Aunt Martha coming to you in a dream, I truly believe it was a message from your husband who still loves you and is watching over you. He knew that if he came to you in the dream, you could explain it away much easier than if Aunt Martha did so. AND I can honestly say that if my Ma came to me in a dream (my VERY VERY strict great grandmother) and complimented me there is no way I could say she was just being nice. That lady had a tough life and I don't believe she ever paid anyone a compliment in her life that they didn't well deserve (and at times I'm sure they deserved one that she didn't vocalize). What better person to tell you like it was than Aunt Martha AND have you believe it?!?!?!!! Love never dies - Phil will always be there with you. Use your God given gift to relive special moments shared with Phil again and again - instant replay even possible - and the tape will never wear out! Take care of yourself - Phil would not want you to do otherwise. Diana

RE: new dream

by eastwest on Thu Oct 06, 2011 03:44 PM

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Diana   Thank you.

Aunt Martha was a tough lady. Trying to think of any compliments she gave out. 

When Phil first passed and i woke up I felt calm and thought: "So you decided to leave while I was napping across from you?" That would have been like him. no muss no fuss and thinking that now was a good time to leave. I think what bothers me is that when in the hospital they asked if something goes wrong do you want CPR and he said yes, he wanted to live. Irene

RE: new dream

by Dlynn1210 on Thu Oct 06, 2011 05:06 PM

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Aunt Martha and Ma King are probably both up there right now saying "She thought I was tough?". Phil passed away similarly to my Dad - he had been in the hospital and was told without a pacemaker, he wouldn't survive long. He had fought heart disease for 20 years but he was tired of fighting. He told me shortly before he passed away that he was going home to my mother - then he dozed off seemingly at peace. He woke up a short time later and without opening his eyes, reached for my hand. We sat like that for a long time. Three days later, he got up in the morning, made his bed and laid back down - then he went home to be with Mom. They were married when they were only 18 & 19 and God had taken her home 16 years before. The one thing I remembered when Dad passed was how hard my Mom fought to stay alive her last day - that I was on my way flying from FL to IL. When I arrived my daighter was reading to her from thr Bible and she was fighting for every breath. I took her into my arms and told her that I loved her and that it was okay to go. At that point she was fighting to live for all of us - not for herself. She took one breath and left us. The look of peace and contentment is a memory that will stay with me forever. I KNEW that even though her earthly body was still there, her spirit had gone to a much better place. I'm sure Phil wanted to live for you and his family but there comes a time when we just want the pain to end for a loved one (like I did my mother and you for Phil). That is when they know they can now leave us. They want more for us than for themselves so they endure the pain BUT then there comes the time when we want more for them than we want for ourselves - relief from their pain instead of being here with us. Somehow they know this and let go. I don't know if you have read a book titled "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo but if you haven't, I encourage you to read it. There are many authors that claim they went to heaven and back but this book is written by the father (who is a pastor) of a little boy who began to tell his parents about meeting Jesus and his daddy while undergoing surgery for a ruptured appendix. He told them about meeting his sister (his mother had miscarried before he was born - something he had no knowledge of). He described Heaven in such a way that you want to visit - a place with many vivid colors - way more than we have here on Earth. If you believe that Phil sent Aunt Martha (which many of us most certainly do), then you have to know he is watching over you and that he is with loved ones who have passed. You will miss him every day but it will get a little easier as time goes by but Phil would want you to go on with your life. He would want you to enjoy life - laugh and enjoy your family. Phil will always be with you and his loved ones in spirit. Diana

RE: new dream

by eastwest on Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:15 PM

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Hi Diana 

 I did read Heaven is For Real this summer. I think because it was written by the child's father who is a minister I had my doubts about it.

But I do believe that Phil's spirit lives on and he is communicating thru some means. I know in the one dream I saw Phil he was actually Glowing and healthy and happy. I truly believe he is. Irene

RE: new dream

by Dlynn1210 on Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:38 PM

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I had my doubts also before I read the book, but after reading it coupled with seeing Colton on TV recently as a preteen admitting that he remembers "some" but not all that he related years ago to his family took away my doubt. When I searched for information on his faher I found that he is a well respected minister whose congregation encouraged him for some time to write the book. So many people ask God for proof tha He exists and that Heaven exists but when He gives it to us, we doubt the validity of the proof. If I am going to be wrong, I would rather believe that Colton saw Heaven and be wrong than believe he and his father made it all up but one day learn that he actually did see Heaven. I know that Phil and all of our loved ones who have passed are now healthy and happy - the Bible assures us of this. I lost my first husband to lung cancer and he was my protector. I felt him strongly for many years afterward when I was troubled about something. Their love lives on through us. Diana

RE: new dream

by monicag on Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:03 AM

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Hi Irene,

It's good to hear from you. We all probably ask ourselves if we did or do enough for our loved ones. When we love, we want to take care of the loved ones, make their hearts light, their pain disappear, their illnesses cured, their troubles solved. If we only could! You did not only what you could, but also what Phil needed you to do by loving him, supporting him, sharing his dreams and laughs, his tears and fears, meals, songs, movies, hopes, silence, and joy. You were with him and for him the best woman you knew how to be at the time every moment happened.You were there with him and for him for a lifetime. That's what matters. Every time you find yourself troubled by the question of if you did enough, without hesitation answer to yourself: Yes, I did. I'm a good person, caring, kind, loving, and I did everything I could to love him and take care of him. Yes, I did. Irene, cancer is a terrible disease. You deserve to give yourself some peace. It's a gift to yourself from yourself. Receive it with open arms.

Peace my friend,

Monica

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