But some patients reported missing face-to-face contact, study found
by Macca1988 on Sat Mar 07, 2015 10:54 PM
by oneofthousands on Tue Mar 10, 2015 01:55 AM
Hello Macca1988 ~ You have a great deal to manage, and I am so sorry you do. Please know that illness brings out rotten situations within the family. Emotions are raw, and opinions are a dime a dozen. This may sound strange, but remember that their emotional outbursts have nothing to do with you. No. They are all about them. No one else. Try to remember that. I only hope your Mom isn't in the middle of such strife.
I don't know what resources you have, but if you can, I would recommend Hospice, first. They support the patient and the family and are an incredible help. Your Mom will be kept comfortable, and they can run interference with family members who make the situation worse.
Call a counseling place and make an appointment to talk to someone there. There are some county services that are pretty good at helping sort out things. (Do I sound like Ann Landers??)
Meanwhile, you have been given the gift of time. You can tell your Mom how much she means to you, how lucky you have been to have her help you grow. Maybe you can talk about some funny things from the past. This might bring a smile or a laugh. I don't think there is any reason you need to stay positive. She knows what's happening, and she might be comforted to know someone else realizes that, too. She may want to talk about dying, but is afraid it will upset the family. That is a burden. Maybe you can help by listening. And crying with her, too.
I took care of my Mom, and my brother. We never spoke directly of dying, but we did reminised alot, remembering happy times and so much else through the years; we listened to favorite music. And we were all on the same page. No phony baloney... This is as real as it gets.
My husband of 55 years has rectal cancer. He looks like hell, has lost 35 pounds and is so sick from chemo and radiation that I can't stand it. If the chemo/radiation doesn't kill him, he looks forward to massive surgery. And if that doesn't kill him he may have a few more years of life left. Quality? I have no idea, but I can't be Mary Poppins all over the place. That's just stupid. I don't believe in fairy tales. I have hope, of course, but I know what has happened to so many of our family members, friends and neighbors.
I don't know what you think about life after death, but I believe death is another chapter in life. We get sick, tired, broken down, our body is tattered; we shed it like a rusty, broken down car (our body is the vehicle that makes it possible for us to live life as we know it here) and then we move on to another level of life.
Your Mom's spirit will always be around you. My Dad makes an old broken clock begin to tick... my Mom is here when I smell cigarette smoke. My wonderful daughter-in-law lost her Mom to brain cancer, in one month. (It has been a year this week). Soon after, she was sitting at her Mom's kitchen table doing paperwork. She was wearing her Mom's necklace. All of a sudden it ended up in her lap. Her Mom was telling her she was there. Be aware, and your Mom will let you know she's watching over you, too. And she will be at your wedding.
Make sure she has enough drugs to keep her pain free. Play some favorite music, or get CD's of rain falling, meditation music, ....there's lots of good stuff out there to listen to. My brother loved to hear the rain fall, and thunderstorms, too. When he was a kid he would get into his pup tent and enjoy a good rainfall.
My dear, I don't know if I've helped or not, but know you are not alone in this trial. That thought helps me a little bit.
I send my love and a hug
by Oakshield on Wed Mar 11, 2015 12:56 PM
It is real hard when your rellatives are ill. But you have to be strong, for you family. Soon you'll get married and it is good thing. Hope your mum will be better soon.
by masterchief911 on Sun Mar 15, 2015 10:56 PM
by oneofthousands on Mon Mar 16, 2015 01:45 AM
I hear you and wish you God's speed. You are right, there are things much worse than death. I've had a ring side seat as I indured these things through my loved ones. It is horribly hard.
I am so happy for them that they have been released from this world of pain and torture. They are gone, and I am left to reflect on this whole business of how to die, and all the decisions connected to this. I think those who die in their sleep, or drop dead of a heart attack are the lucky ones.
My husband is currently involved with rectal cancer and is suffering the medical community's mistakes. Currently hospitalized, for how long we do not know...he needs surgery for a colon blockage, but radiation/chemo has so damaged the tissue that it will be at least 6 weeks before the tissue will hold stitches, plus he is too weak to withstand going under the knife.
I have no idea the information I will find in the morning. I feel I am standing on earth quake ground. Decision made...no, we're changing that...we have this plan....well, this is what we're going to do now. As they say, medicine is a "practice," and that they do. Practice.
I am questioning myself as to whether I would chose to try to get well, or choose a peaceful death, assisted by a physician or Compassionate Friends. They have changed their name recently...but if you google them I think you'd find them and learn how they can help you. I support their efforts. Ask your doctor to help you. They do it all the time, very quietly.
Masterchief... I am so terribly sorry for everything you have lost, and for your struggle right now. I hope you will move on to the next part of your life very soon. Life does not stop, this is just a place where we have to learn things, and then we move on to another place. I believe this.
Thank you for "Proof of Heaven," I will read it, even though I know a wonderful life is waiting for all of us.
Much love to you,
by masterchief911 on Mon Mar 16, 2015 01:47 AM
by oneofthousands on Mon Mar 16, 2015 03:40 AM
by Angelsent on Sun Apr 05, 2015 01:55 AM
by Josephine06 on Sun Aug 14, 2016 04:08 AM
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