my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

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my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by lauryjeanh on Mon Mar 09, 2015 03:14 AM

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In the middle of my treatment for Stage 4 ovarian cancer and Stage 1 breast cancer, my husband decided to have an affair and left me to fend for myself.  I know he's a souless pile of garbage but what  about the woman (a nurse supposedly) that wanted him knowing what he'd done to me?  How many women out there could date a man who left his very ill wife?  I say she's as evil as he is. Please tell me if u agree because I can't stop thinking about what type of woman she is.  All I know is she's a drinker, a smoker, and he met her (she was by herself at 11:30 at night) at a biker bar.  The situation is killing me slowly.

RE: my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by Donna62 on Mon Mar 09, 2015 04:29 AM

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On Mar 09, 2015 3:14 AM lauryjeanh wrote:

In the middle of my treatment for Stage 4 ovarian cancer and Stage 1 breast cancer, my husband decided to have an affair and left me to fend for myself.  I know he's a souless pile of garbage but what  about the woman (a nurse supposedly) that wanted him knowing what he'd done to me?  How many women out there could date a man who left his very ill wife?  I say she's as evil as he is. Please tell me if u agree because I can't stop thinking about what type of woman she is.  All I know is she's a drinker, a smoker, and he met her (she was by herself at 11:30 at night) at a biker bar.  The situation is killing me slowly.

My husband, the one with cancer left me for another woman. I am finding it is not uncommon for a spouse to leave when a diagnosis of cancer comes into the union.  Your situation is not uncommon. I will pray for you, because these men do not know how to behave themselves.

RE: my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by lauryjeanh on Tue Mar 10, 2015 12:59 AM

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Hi Donna,

So the man that YOU took care of left you for another woman?  First of all, the woman he's with must be a desperate pile of garbage if she wants a man like that.  She must have very low self-esteem and no moral compass.  It won't last because the relationship is not built upon a strong foundation, or love.  I will pray for you, too.  Thank you so much for writing to me.  I really appreciate u taking time out of your day to lift the spirits of someone u don't even know...ur husband is an not only a bad behavior, he's an idiot.  He'll want to come back...I hope you are selfish and do what's right for you and only you.  Please write if I can lift YOUR spirits : )

RE: my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by MSL1968 on Mon Apr 20, 2015 03:07 PM

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On Mar 10, 2015 12:59 AM lauryjeanh wrote:

Hi Donna,

So the man that YOU took care of left you for another woman?  First of all, the woman he's with must be a desperate pile of garbage if she wants a man like that.  She must have very low self-esteem and no moral compass.  It won't last because the relationship is not built upon a strong foundation, or love.  I will pray for you, too.  Thank you so much for writing to me.  I really appreciate u taking time out of your day to lift the spirits of someone u don't even know...ur husband is an not only a bad behavior, he's an idiot.  He'll want to come back...I hope you are selfish and do what's right for you and only you.  Please write if I can lift YOUR spirits : )

Hi Lauryjeanh,

When I read your heading, I just felt sick! Spouses who are weak, selfish, or incompetent at being able to love are not good caregivers. He would have prevented you from getting the care and love you deserve.

It's good thing that he has moved on because now you are open to meeting someone who can love and support you. It may seem strange but I've heard of people finding love after a cancer diagnosis.

Please let him and her go....focus on getting better and living your life.

Blessings,

Ann

RE: my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by oceanlvr09 on Tue May 12, 2015 10:01 PM

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Does she know about you? I mean, he might not have even told her that you exist, much less that he's caring for an ill wife. For all she knows, he could be single and living the bachelor life.

If she DOES know about you, shame on her, too. I can't speak about her character because I definitely know I couldn't be in that position (date a man who is married - let alone with a dying wife) but unfortunately, I do know someone who this happened to (in my family) and it's despicable. It's probably the lowest of the low, and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am that you are having to go through this, on top of everything else you have to deal with. It's not fair to you, and it's certainly terrible that he thinks he can wash his hands of you and decide he wants a new life. Newsflash; that's not what YOU signed up for! YOU took your vows seriously, unlike someone else. But then again, in this day and age, many people tend to forget they took something so sacred as a vow.

YOU didn't do anything wrong, so please don't think that. It is NOT your fault that you are going through what you are, there is something wrong with HIM. I mean, doesn't it say a lot about who HE is, for him to do something like that? It's not right, and you are a victim here. I am so very sorry. How horrible.

I know it is hard, but you need all of your strength for fighting the cancer right now. As hard as it is, you have to forgive him and move on - I'm not saying forgive him, cuddle him and put rose pedals on the bed and have a romantic dinner. I'm saying forgive his actions, but don't forget - so you can move on and do what YOU need to do. You can't be angry, bitter, and heartbroken and fight what you need to fight. You need to be strong, think like a warrior, and be tough as nails, girl. Put him in a little box, a tiny, teeny little box (because that's all he amounts to) and keep him there. Keep him there, don't open the box, and keep going on. Lots of love and strength!

RE: my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by AnnieWho on Sun May 17, 2015 05:40 PM

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If she knows about you, she's just stupid. Thinking that he treated you like that and will be a great man to her...

RE: my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by Gigi56 on Sun May 31, 2015 07:19 PM

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On Mar 09, 2015 3:14 AM lauryjeanh wrote:

In the middle of my treatment for Stage 4 ovarian cancer and Stage 1 breast cancer, my husband decided to have an affair and left me to fend for myself.  I know he's a souless pile of garbage but what  about the woman (a nurse supposedly) that wanted him knowing what he'd done to me?  How many women out there could date a man who left his very ill wife?  I say she's as evil as he is. Please tell me if u agree because I can't stop thinking about what type of woman she is.  All I know is she's a drinker, a smoker, and he met her (she was by herself at 11:30 at night) at a biker bar.  The situation is killing me slowly.

I've seen this so many times in my support group - It is just awful.  I have never seen where the woman leaves a man because he has prostate cancer.  I am so sorry you are going through this much less what he/she are doing to you.  Your health and well being are on the line.  I hope you have the support and care that you need and deserve.  There is a place for both of them in H*&^! 

RE: my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by tufgngbob on Wed Jan 20, 2016 06:37 PM

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Lauryjeanh,

Im so sorry to hear of your situation. Unfortunately having Cancer for over 12 years I've heard that story way too many times.  I lived that story myself as well. My wife bailed literally the minute after my diagnosis was confirmed...She would not even disuss it with me it was just over and her mind was maid. - she was "too young at 43 to be stuck with a sick husband" . When I went into a coma for 30 days a few short weeks after the start of my treatment she was in a new affair and trying to sell my boat by the time I woke up. 

You did not do anything ot cause it, nor did I.  

As far as this P.O.S. women goes she should be ashamed for having an affiar with a man whos wife is fighting Cancer.  Like could'nt she just go screw someone else?

Women and men who do things like that do not have any ability to feel compassion or remorse.  Its called being a phsycopath. People think that means a serial killer or something but those are only less than 1% of psycopaths.  The remaining 99% typically just torture and abuse their  relatives and especially their spouses. 

My doc says that its the worst thing about her job and that unless the person's 99% back to tip top shape in a year or a bit more the spouse OFTEN bails.

Im sure you know this but you just have to let it all go. I know its hard to let go a person who may have defined much of your life but you have no choice.

Spending time thinking about him or her and getting yourself all upset will do no good ever.  I am not trying to be harsh but it will not bring him back to you and why would you want him now anyway? 

Dont call or contact him ever unless communication for your children is absolutely needed. Don't email him.  Dont go anywhere you might run into him.  

DO NOT attrempt to be kind and nice to this SKMBAG just to be the better person. He is a psycopath. He is not capable of the sort of compassion you or other normally functioning people feel. He will only see it as a sign of weakness. 

He no longer desearves 1 second of your thoughts. He no longer has any right to see you or to know anything about your life unless YOU decide to share it which I would suggest you do not.

Dont even think aout him.  

I know that hearing all this does not majicly make anything better but I'm trying to give you the best advise even if it is hard to hear. 

Good luck to you. I will say a prayer for you after I post this.

PEACE

RE: my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by ShanaW12 on Wed Jan 20, 2016 06:40 PM

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Holy god. I'm so sorry.

RE: my husband (my caregiver) left me for another woman

by blessed6 on Thu Jan 21, 2016 06:55 AM

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I am so sorry, dear, I have been there! When I was first diagnosed and going thru treatment, I had 6 kids at home still. My husband of almost 25 years cheated on me and partied the whole time I was sick, didnt even try to hide it, and left the kids to help me...thank God for teenage daughters with strong stomachs and teen sons who will cook for and tend to younger siblings! I tried to get a divorce as soon as my treatment was up, but I had 3 different lawyers say...You look too sick, and what judge would give custody of 6 kids to someone with your life expectancy? So I waited... and I had to put up with it for 3 years. Finally when I had a full head of hair and was fairly strong, a lawyer got me out of that mess, with all my kids!  But I thought I was going to die of grief and shame and anger for a while.  One day I decided...the best revenge is for me to live a long, happy life WITHOUT him.  It took us getting cancer to realize what rotten people we married, but now that we know, it is THEIR loss. You stay strong, put a smile on your face and one day KARMA will bite him in the butt! My ex lost his job, his 2nd marriage lasted less than 6 months, he has cirrhosis and has aged pitifully, and worst of all, our children are indifferent to him.  I am single and loving it! Well, most of the time, lol! God bless you with improved health and happiness. 

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