I made it through the first year

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I made it through the first year

by wildrose on Mon Jun 08, 2015 08:23 PM

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Hi this is Wildrose. I made it through the one year mark I believe it was the longest year of my life. So many feelings came back to the surface that I thought I had forgiven and buried in my mind but sometimes we fool ourselfs into thinking that we have and really haven't . Through alot of prayer and crying and writting to myself and to my husband that is gone I have come to terms with issues that I thought were over with but I can now way that they truely are over . So I can remember the good times that were in our lives not the things that hurt me so bad that is healed now thank you Lord.

The issue with my daughters is still going on not talking to each other and for this I'm sad everyday and pray that they will realize the importance of family before it is to late for all of us. And they can be sisters again.

I'm still seeing the person that I was seeing have been for nearly 8 months now. He still makes me laugh and feel good and wants to help me in ways I have never known. My daughters seem to accept it better but that doesn't matter they have their lives and I have mine and hope they can all be as one someday.

I finally dreamed about Mike the other night 3 nights in a row each night I got closer to him and on the third night we were in his first old pick-up that he had on the farm years ago and we were riding the backroads listening to our music that dream was the night before the one year mark and I have never slept better.

Wildrose

RE: I made it through the first year

by bobss396 on Tue Jun 09, 2015 07:34 PM

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I am glad that you are doing relatively well.

My 1st year is approaching and I see improvement in myself, but things will whack me over the head out of the blue. Something Barbara may have said while she was sick takes me right back. I still reach for her in bed when I wake up at times. I had a dream last week that she was back in the house and doing well. She wanted to see how I was doing with the bills and she was looking at things in the house. Which has not changed that much. I need to get the house together a little more.

I did plant flowers in her planters, but not all of them as she would have done. I got someone to cut the lawn for the season, I opened the pool.

Sunday we will scatter her ashes per her wishes, it is 1 day past the one year anniversary of her death. Family and friends will be around too. 

RE: I made it through the first year

by eastwest on Wed Jun 10, 2015 05:41 PM

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Hi Wildrose   That first seems like an eternity to get thru. I remember wondering..."how will I get thru this holiday season" "how do I make it thru this birthday" etc. Somehow grace gets us thru it, one day at a time. I think it was the anticipation of the event coming that at times was harding than the actual day. The second year isn't a cakewalk but at least you know you can and will make it thru them as you have already traveled the first year road.   hugs, Irene

RE: I made it through the first year

by bobss396 on Mon Jun 15, 2015 12:32 PM

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On Jun 10, 2015 5:41 PM eastwest wrote:

Hi Wildrose   That first seems like an eternity to get thru. I remember wondering..."how will I get thru this holiday season" "how do I make it thru this birthday" etc. Somehow grace gets us thru it, one day at a time. I think it was the anticipation of the event coming that at times was harding than the actual day. The second year isn't a cakewalk but at least you know you can and will make it thru them as you have already traveled the first year road.   hugs, Irene

I got past the 1st year. Sunday we scattered Barbara's ashes in the ocean, we waited until almost everyone left the beach and we had some privacy. There were about 25 of us, family and friends. More than a few waded in and helped with the ashes. I gave her childhood friend Susan a small urn of ashes for her to keep, they were friends since they were 6.

It went pretty well and we went to a local bar and grill after for a nice dinner.

RE: I made it through the first year

by eternalife on Wed Jun 17, 2015 10:05 PM

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Good to hear you have made the one year mark.. it will be 2 years for me July 27th... still cry when certain things trigger it.

Keep going...

Best

RE: I made it through the first year

by wildrose on Sat Jun 27, 2015 09:00 PM

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we all went through alot with the ones we loved and lost to cancer. Like you I realize that I have to do something with my husbands ashes and I will this year bury him beside my grandparents in a small town cemetery where most of my family is laid to rest. This year I realize that I have to put him to rest so I can be at rest also. I don't know how it will go when I do bury him ourdaughters still don't speak tp each other. It seems as though losing him wasn't the only thing lost in this family. As for me there will always be his special place in my heart but there is still living to do for us left here. And if we can find someone that puts a smile on our face and a laugh everyday that just comes so natural then there is more to our life that the Lord has planned not like our old lives but in a new way. Like spring when everything starts to come alive again. If you find it let your heart soar as high as the clouds and stars for we have all gone down a long road and happiness is still to find. Love comes in many different ways.

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