Need advice!

7 Posts | Page(s): 1 

Need advice!

by AllieKR on Mon Jun 15, 2015 11:10 PM

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Hey guys, I am in need of some serious advice! I am 6 months out since the loss of my husband and I still feel so sad and empty all the time. I recently had posted about taking a look at my own life and the changes I want to make. I learned yesterday that there is a position opening up in my department. It's the same job, but different hours. Right now I work Monday through Friday 9-530. The hours are pretty great but I have been feeling like I don't have time to do much else other then work. I have been thinking about going to counseling or finding a support group and maybe doing some volunteer work but all of these things are so hard to do with the hours I work. The new hours would be weekend hours and a 12 hour shift on Tuesdays. I have really been considering applying for them so I can have that extra time for myself to do different things. I feel like family and friends are not too crazy about this idea because they fear I might be alone to0 much and get depressed. I understand their concern but I feel like if I continue with the job I have now, I am never going to feel better and heal. I am just going through the motions. I don't have time to find interests or seek out help from others to help me through the grieving process. Now that I am a widow, I feel like I have to find something that makes me happy and like I have a purpose. Does anyone else feel this way? Am I making sense?

I just don't do well with change. It's scary and opportunities like this to change hours don't happen often so if I hated it I would probably be stuck for a while. What do I do?!?!

RE: Need advice!

by Fredward on Mon Jun 15, 2015 11:22 PM

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Hi Allie,

I would say to do what feels right for YOU.  For financuial reasons I have been working multiple jobs since I lost my husband two years ago.  Right now I am working three part time jobs, 45 - 50 hours a week and going nuts.  I work nearly every day and usually at least two jobs each day.  I really don't have time to do anything else and it's really beginning to get to me.  You have to do what feels right for you, not anybody else.  Nobody else is in your shoes.  You'd still be out and around people and the support goup would be a big help.  Just my two cents.

RE: Need advice!

by katbaran on Wed Jun 17, 2015 06:37 PM

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Allie,

I would take the new hours position. It will help you to do some things for yourself. YOU will have the choices and the time to do more. Your friends will still be able to see you when they can.

 You sound like you have a plan for what to do with extra time, so you won't be alone and depressed. I'd say go for it.

It will be a year in August since my husband passed. I know what you're talking about when you say you need to get better and make some new choices. I keep saying that I just have to find out who I am now that I'm not part of a couple anymore. Just keep moving forward and you will find some peace.

Kathy

RE: Need advice!

by eternalife on Thu Jun 18, 2015 08:55 PM

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Hi Allie,

I agree with the others, do what will give you the most options and begin to feel whole again. As a widow we were joined at the hip and now to begin again, comes in many shapes and forms. For me, I teach English to new immigrants, ESL , and it's my retirement career.. LOL.. but it keeps me sane, having been a widow now for almost 2 years. It allows me to connect with others, know I am adding to their success in the world.. and I have less " alone" time... you know what will work for you, now go do it.

Best

:-)

RE: Need advice!

by AllieKR on Sat Jun 20, 2015 12:07 AM

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Thank you for the advice everyone! I applied for the job, so now it's just a waiting game. I know it would be good for me but I still hestitate. I don't do very well with change and it's so hard not being able to talk to my husband about it. 

RE: Need advice!

by Fredward on Sat Jun 20, 2015 12:50 AM

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I know all about how hard it is to deal with change!  I pretty much have to kick myself to get started and yes, it's all that much hrder without our husbands to talk to.  Praying about a situation helps me.  Another thing I someties do is to take myself out of the picture and imagine it is a friend coming to me for advice on the matter.  I think about what I would say to the friend, then see if I can apply the same advice to myself.  I think it's just plain hard to make decisions when we are still in the grieving process.  Best of luck to you.

RE: Need advice!

by Csimowitz on Thu Aug 06, 2015 04:06 AM

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I am no expert in grief- it has been the worst six months of my life. I agree with your friends, I would wait at least a year before making any changes. I joined a support group at a local hospital. It runs one evening a week and the social worker from a local hospice is excellent. I lost peter to an inoperable brain tumor. We fought for two years four months. The caregiver aspect us adding to my grief. Free time does me in. Triggers for me are the worst. Luckily I teach and really love working with children. My job is very stressful but gives me a purpose in life. Exhaustion is a problem. I am not happy at all like I used to be. I was so passionate about life. When I am out with a girlfriend there are times I feel like the old me. It us fleeting but it's there. I'm hoping the first year is the hardest- I don't know how I can keep feeling this intense sorrow. Once a week lately I go through things and donate to a thrift shop associated with the hospital. It makes me feel good. Today was a very rough day- grief is so tiring. You are making sense.
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