Really Struggling Again

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Really Struggling Again

by Fredward on Fri Aug 07, 2015 02:37 AM

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I lost my husband to a rare type of melanoma in June of 2013 and my father in a tragic accident Dec. 26, 2013.  In between I lost my 2 favorite uncles, one son got married and the other went back to college.  Then my cousin died. I just can't seem to get it together.  I'm working 3 jobs (6 - 7 days a week, most days 2 jobs, sometimes all three) trying to make ends meet.  I do everything inside and outside of the house and am so busy you'd think I wouldn't have time to dwell on things.  I was starting to come around then our youngest son got engaged and it's another milestone my husband should be here for.  I got my hunting license but I have nobody to hunt with and the family cabin was sold in the spring.  My Dad was my hunting buddy (my husband hated hunting but always supported me).  I'm just a mess.

 And lately I've heard so many comments.  Someone I hadn't seen in a long time asked me how Jim is.  Someone whose boyfriend dumped them told me it was probably easier for me since I knew my husband wasn't still here.  Someone else said it must be really nice to have it so quiet with just me, the dog and the cat.  The woman who asked how my husband was felt awful and I felt bad for her because I know how I'd feel if I had been in her shoes.  But the others - I don't think there are words to describe it.

I just can't seem to get it together.  Before I could comprehend all that happened with my husband and begin to heal I lost my Dad.  I shut down for awhile (still functioned doing what had to be done but felt like a zombie and tuned out as much as possible).  It seems I'm always grieving for one of them.  And I have zero interest in any of the many hobbies I used to enjoy.  I've tried new things like making wreaths but once I made a couple that was it.  I've painted and changed a good bit of the house to make it different.  I don't watch the shows we used to watch.  I have begun to listen to music again but that's hard too and we went to so many concerts together.

I thought I'd be getting better by now but I think I'm getting worse.  Maybe I was just too numb from all the losses and it's all starting to hit home now in a different way.  I don't know.  Anyone else still struggling so much after a couple of years?

RE: Really Struggling Again

by Marie55 on Sat Aug 08, 2015 05:35 PM

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I can so relate. It is 17 months now that my husband passed. It does seem harder right now than ever before. First year just took it day by day. Lots of paperwork, learning how to handle taking care of the outside of the house, maintain the cars, decided I did not need two cars and gave a car to my daughter who lives out of state. Now it seems like shear aloneness. House is quiet. Maybe reality has hit now and this is my life going forward. I have girlfriends to do things with, take classes, volunteer, etc. but once I come home, reality hits home that the love of my life is not here. We did everything together and we were both introverts so it makes it a bit harder. Holidays are hard and alone most of the time. Everyone says I have so many friends and do so many things, but my reality always come back to missing my husband. I also have two dear friends that are stage iv cancer so the sadness continues.

RE: Really Struggling Again

by StephenS on Mon Aug 10, 2015 07:54 PM

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I share in your feeling.  I lost my wife and now my two brothers are in late stage 4 cancer.  My loved ones seem to keep dying and there is less and less of the good old days left.  Even my children and grandchildren have problems and life seems to be this great struggle.  But i try to accept what god gives to me and there are some good days to go along with the bad one.  I ask god to show me the way and rely on his love to keep me going. It's the only thing that has gotten me through these past seventeen months.  Some how some way i know that god will always be by my side and some how some way i know tomorrow the sun will shine and maybe just maybe i will be able to smile.

RE: Really Struggling Again

by bobss396 on Tue Aug 11, 2015 12:17 PM

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I struggle as well, good days, bad days. Unfortunately I haven't ran into too many that doesn't know Barbara is gone.

I have my old cars which keep me going, without that I'd be in a really dark place. I have good people around me, her family is a little weird, I think maybe they never accepted me 100%.

The house could be cleaner, I do go through my papers now and then to thin things out. I'm paying the bills, something I haven't done in decades. I even learned how to add a payee to my bill pay account. Barbara would be proud of that.

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