So angry--LEEP

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So angry--LEEP

by neveralone1 on Tue Mar 08, 2016 08:19 AM

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In November 2014 I had my annual and it came back HGSIL after always being normal.  I was 32 at the time.  I had a colpo done in April 2015, which showed CIN2 and CIN3 in the two spots which were biopsied.  the ECC came back normal.  I told the doctor I did not want to have a LEEP--it may sound awful, but having part of my cervix cut out just....i'm crying now thinking about it. i told her that i wanted to have the abnormal cells frozen off and I couldn't understand why this was a problem since cervical cancer is really slow growing from what i have read and testing the HPV i have came back negative for types 18 and 16.  anyway, the doctor refused.  so i called around to a bunch of different doctors and after like three times of me calling and asking if the places did the cryo and being told they did, showing up and paying about $200 for a "new patient consultation" just to be told, no they would do the LEEP only as well i kind of gave up.  My PCP kept nagging me about the situation, so feeling really defeated, i went back to the doctor who originally did the colpo.  she did a pap in December 2015 (atypical glandular cells).  Colpo showed CIN3 in two spots AND CIN3 in the ECC.  I am so pissed that the ECC shows CIN3 now because now i feel like the only option i do have is the LEEP.  Telling her again that I did not want the LEEP she NOW--ALMOST A YEAR AFTER THE FACT--tells me that I could consult with a gynocological oncologist.  I didn't even know there was such a thing.  I feel like there is no respect at all given to me for what this is like.  why should i just kiss goodbye a part of my body when there are treatments available that could be effective, albeit less so.  I can't stand the idea of losing part of my cervix.  it feels like i am losing part of who i am. i am so angry that the doctor didn't tell me i should come in for regular colpos after this because it could be getting that much worse that quickly.  i just feel like because accoridng to the medical community it has few side effects that my reaction was given absolutely zero weight.  when i came in for the result the second time she was like, "we are going to have to go ahead and do the LEEP" to which i wanted to punch her.  I told her i wanted to consult with teh oncologist and she could not get out fo the room fast enough.  She didn't even tell me about the ecc coming back positive for CIN3...just gave me a copy of the labs and walked out--literally less than a minute.  In what world, does a doctor refuse a patient effective treatment when the alternative is NO treatment?  I feel so powerless and now i feel hopeless.  I know i should be happy because i ahve an out--my boyfriend has prostate cancer right now and I feel like a jerk complaining to him, but he understands.  I can't stop crying, thinking about losing part of my cervix.  i don't have children and I don't think i want to, but everything i read about the LEEP just turns my stomach.  And i have a friend of the family who has had multiple LEEPs and multiple cone biopsies.  What is the point of carving up the tissue if the malignancy keeps coming back? i sort of feel like I'd rather try ablative therapies and if i eventually have to have a hysterectomy it will be because i HAVE to, not because someone keeps slicing it up until there is nothing left.   

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