My heart aches for my husband

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My heart aches for my husband

by shags on Sat Dec 31, 2016 08:48 AM

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Its been over a year since my loving husband passed on. He fought pancreatic cancer for 8 months. i still have nightmares about his pain, he was only 50 when he died. I took a 6 month leave from my job and was his sole caregiver to the end. I will always cherish the special last few months we had. our hearts were so raw and open, I could not imagined how close we became. We spent 24 hours a day and night just the two of us. We were like one person. But now i am so sad and miss him so much. I felt so loved when he was alive, I felt so alive, even though he was down to skin and bones, he was my love. My brain could not imagine him leaving our life. now I am in such a fog drifting above not really living life. I put on happy face when I go to work function. The torture of seeing your love one take their last breath is so very painful. 

RE: My heart aches for my husband

by modesta on Wed Jan 04, 2017 08:11 PM

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Shags, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my husband of 33 yrs about 5 years ago.  My husband had brain cancer for 31months.  He did well until the last 6 months and then it was the hardest thing to go through.  The last 2 months or so, I prayed that God would take him.  I didn't know how I was going to make it without him but I loved him so much that I would rather lose him so HE would no longer be in pain.  That didn't make MY pain go away but I felt like it made it a little better, because I was only dealing with MY pain and not BOTH our pain.  I thank God that he gave me the time he did with him.  I know I am rambling but the point is it will get better.  I still wear my wedding ring and don't get out much and STILL miss him like crazy but am so glad he is not hurting!

RE: My heart aches for my husband

by sandy26 on Thu Jan 05, 2017 01:57 AM

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Dear shaqs, I too, lost my husband one year ago on 12/23. It was a hard day and has been a rough year. I too, feel like I have been in a fog most of the time. My husband had lung cancer and only lived for 5 months with it. I took care of him every day and watched him melt away and it was the most painful thing ever. I know he is always with me. I get really good signs from him all the time. We were together for 40 years and he died at 60. Life is messed up and cancer sucks. It has wreaked so many wonderful lives. I am sorry for your pain. I still cry but not like I did for the first 6 months. Some days in the beginning I didn't  think I was going to make it. I miss my old life and wish this was all a bad dream. But I know my husband is at peace and no more pain and some day we will be together again and until then I need to make him proud. Take care and remember the good times.

RE: My heart aches for my husband

by zpittS4400 on Thu Jan 05, 2017 03:27 AM

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Shags, Modesta and Sandy, I'm so sorry.  We're at the beginning of this horrible journey. My husband was diagnosed 7 months ago with Esophageal Stage IV cancer with mets to the liver and lymph nodes. We were told his only option is  chemo to reduce the tumors and make him comfortable and lead as normal life as possible  but lately that's not what's happening.  Although his bloodwork looks good, the ct scans all show tumors are really shrinking, he feels awful. He's often in pain/discomfort and there's nothing I can do. In July he was given 13 to 21 months.  He has pain in the lower back, lower abdomen, often feels nauseous, now he's vomiting bile.  Is this the typical progression of chemo, and will I be in your shoes in another year or so?  Are there signs I need to watch for?  Any help with your expertise would be wonderful.

RE: My heart aches for my husband

by sandy26 on Thu Jan 05, 2017 09:05 PM

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Dear zpittS4400, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is not easy. You will figure out the signs for your husband. I don't know how I did it but every time my husband's condition would change I knew - it was like a gut feeling. All I can say is hug him and kiss him and talk about all the good times. I remember I prayed for a miracle every day but it never happened. If his tumors are shrinking maybe he might have a chance. Tell him to fight. I am sure it's hard for them when they are in so much pain and so tired of going to the doctors all the time.  In the end I had hospice come over and they gave me the meds to help my husband with the pain and suffering. Cancer is messed up for the patient and the caregivers. I will pray for you and your family. I hope you have children or family close by. Cry it out as much as you can when you are not with him. Try and be strong when you are with him. I just remember thinking to myself - how do they feel? what are their thoughts? how unfair, they know they are going to die and it's horrible.

RE: My heart aches for my husband

by StephenS on Thu Jan 12, 2017 05:46 PM

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Shaqs welcome to our family.  We all have the same story.  Basically its that we have our loved one taken from us and we miss them.  The struggle is long and sometimes hard but we here are always available to share in your loss, to offer our love and comfort and to help you and encourage you to continue forward with your life.  It will be three years come March 2, that my wife of 44 years died of pancreatic cancer.  I understand you pain and loss and will pray that our Lord comfort you, carry you, and guide you through these hard times.  Remember, we are the lucky ones.  At least we had a mate that we loved and who loved us.  There are so many that cannot say the same thing.  So please take care of yourself and remember how lucky you really are.

RE: My heart aches for my husband

by eternalife on Thu Aug 24, 2017 11:50 AM

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Hi all and especially Zpitt... I like you had a husband diagnosed with stage iv EC... prognosis was 18 months.. it was a long , hard fight for him.. just chemo and radiation in the end. It was 4 years in July that he died.. I still miss him terribly and look at the married couples and can't help but think that it's only a matter of time.. little do they know... it may be that no one wants to go through what we have already, but it will happen regardless... I have good days for the most part now, however there are still triggers that remind me of the fact I am alone now... no husband and life is so radically different.. that is the biggest adjustment... breaking a new path on my own... it is not easy and there is no formula to happiness ... there really never was.. we had our spouses and I was happily married for 33 years.. that is all no more.. and I have accepted the wake up call.. just sometimes I wish my nightmare never took place and live was back the way it was... of course.. I am only dreaming now.. you will have to take your own time to forge a new path.. with help and love and support from family and good friends.. you can do it... surround yourself with those who can be YOU now.. it will not be easy, but courage , faith and belief will get you through...

take care and best

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