How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

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RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by Ahole on Mon Feb 12, 2018 04:48 PM

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Hugs backatcha, Marge. When I think of you, I know that you are okay because of the strong, resilient woman that you are. I'm glad you like my words. Words are so powerful and I try to use them for good, uplifting thoughts. I recently enrolled in a class called, "Understanding Your Grief." So far, it's been good. I do better with a structured class, a textbook and a journal. It's helping me get in touch with feelings that I've stuffed.

I looked into a support group, but the woman said, "It's a great group! Some people have been in it for five years!" LOL  I took that as a red flag. I've committed to 8 weeks, and then I'm ready for springtime. Sunshine, flowers and birds will be my major healing. Right now, I'm shopping for new birdhouses.  Love, Patty

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by LisaLeeM on Tue Feb 13, 2018 02:17 AM

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Thank you all. Venting to you with no judgement is better than any psychiatrist money could buy. PP I wish you could come to Florida to escape the winter blues. Good grief winter depresses me even in the best of times. Gigi! I rarely see you out here and hope things at home are still better than they were (if I recall your son helped straighten things out?). Marge! Funny you mention decisions regarding Don. I went to the hospital to get them to hear me. I had a long talk with social services. They did confirm for me the hospital did not call DCF for neglect - so it was his daughter. That’s just demented to me. So, he explained I can rewrite the health surrogate papers, and force her to make a decision in the event it’s bigger than I want. Gregg always points to me when they ask what he wants. Lol. I do not think I’ll ever give up control of my own decisions even if I’m loopy. My stepmother was visiting and we went out for a late lunch. She said the only thing I can do about Mark - is to stay out of it. I took anything of any potential value to him out of the house. Gregg said he wants him out after he gets better. Gregg has more lives than a cat with 9 lives. The authorization for PT is pending approval. He’ll only be there for 7 days (because he has private insurance). He had Medicaid but it was cancelled for some reason. Florida is very generous with Medicaid which means I made a mistake having him purchase a pretty expensive plan. Oops. By January 5 he hit his out of pocket max. The rehab is close to my apartment because I know I’ll be there to help him. I did leave him this afternoon in a huff. He’s delusional about his daughter. He said she came to visit. She didn’t because I was there all weekend. It put me in a mood. I said something about working hard and he rolled his eyes at me. I said “bye”. I said the rehab is also a nursing home and the good news is - if he’s going to be stubborn he can just spend his days in bed there. He’s actually much more with it than I thought. He’s getting no morphine! He gets other stuff but that’s pretty cool. I felt better when I left. I said wait a second, I swore I wasn’t dealing with this nonsense anymore. My conscience was clear. Instead of leaving work to go to the hospital - I’m calling the hospital to check if he’s been transported. Then I’ll go there after work to help him at least settle in. Thank you all for reading my babble. Lol

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by CaregiverPete on Tue Feb 13, 2018 02:26 PM

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Lisa.

I just checked in and read your heart aching. I'm so sorry to hear this and all that is happening to you again. Your emotions don't ever get a break. I wish there was some immediate relief for you. You'll be in my thoughts today.

((Hugs))

Pete

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by CaregiverPete on Tue Feb 13, 2018 02:34 PM

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Peppermint 

Sooooo happy for you on finding a support group. 

Looking forward to hearing all about it. 

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by tippymicky504 on Tue Feb 13, 2018 02:39 PM

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PP, 22 years ago I was married to Marvin and he passed. I went to a support group of about 10 women. I was the newbie, so the each said their names and how long they had been widowed. There was an older woman (funny, I was 50 and she was around 65...now I wish I was that "old"). Anyway she was sobbing from the minute we started. We got to her and mentioned she was widowed 3 years. The group was so 'down' that after the session I told the leader I wasn't coming back. This new group I joined is more positive. There are a few that have been there a while, but most are under a year. Only problem is it meets only twice a month. Thank you for the compliment, but I don't currently feel strong or resilient. Having panic attacks which I'm addressing. Praying it passes soon. Bird houses...great idea! Hugs, Marge

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by Ahole on Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:50 AM

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Marge, I'm so sorry about the panic attacks. I had those after my divorce and they are so scary. I'm glad you're getting some help. You know, I still think of 50 year olds as old women.  LOL  I'm a 30 year old in a 60-something body!

I don't mean to disparage people who need support over a long period of time. I just want to be sure I don't use it as a crutch or an excuse not to move on. Grief is a tricky thing, and no two people experience it the same. I do think you're strong from the things that you've said, but we all have our ups and downs for sure. Here's hoping for more ups for all of us! - Love, Patty

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by Ray725 on Wed Feb 14, 2018 09:30 PM

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Lisa, I just don't know where you get the strength from girl, I know you must love this guy but please don't burn yourself out my love.

Marge, I am also so sorry about your panic attacks I know how bad they can be.  I don't know exactly where I am at present after going through all the grief stages I started to be quite positive and looking forward, but I don't know if am in another "stage" bit at present I keep thinking "what is the point".  I just Helen so much. Now I am not suicidal but life is a bit of crapo at the moment.

PP, think you should drop those groups and come to our pub this Friday, its the only thing that lifts me out of the doldrums.  

Pete, I hope your is progessing well, I was telling friends about the operation she went through and all I heard was "wow".  Hope the brave girl is doing well.

Ray

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by Ray725 on Wed Feb 14, 2018 09:31 PM

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Pete meant to say "wife"

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by CaregiverPete on Thu Feb 15, 2018 01:54 PM

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Thanks Ray. 

Your words are always good with me. I'd be nice to have an edit button once n awhile for simple word or spelling corrections. 

Im with ya Ray. Thank you

Thank you to all the caregiver ladies too. 

Peppermint, Marge, Lisa, Carolyn, Gigi, Punky, ect...

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by CaregiverPete on Thu Feb 22, 2018 09:48 AM

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Hi everyone 

Pathology came back from brain mass as lung cancer. 

My wife has to battle distant recurrence of breast and distant recurrence of lung cancer.

She went in for surgery yesterday to have a Ommaya put into her cranium to help get chemotherapy treatment to her brain fluid, spinal fluid and her entire nervous system. Neurologist is also going to use immunotherapy in addition to chemotherapy.  

I have an appointment with my grief counselor this Mon and my caregivers group on Tue. 

There will be lots to talk about. My mom is cooking tons of meals for my wife and I. 

My wife fell at home tripping over one of our golden retriever girls. The hospital gave her a walker with 2 wheels and two legs. Its to help her get around the house easier and make our girls apprehensive. 

Today my wife gets her first round of chemotherapy to her brain. 

Hope everyone is doing ok. 

Caregiver hugs 

Pete

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