How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

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RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by Ahole on Wed Sep 13, 2017 10:25 PM

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Hey, Sweet Pete. Thank you so much for thinking of the Duke, and wishing him good things. Hospice came today and I think he is in very good hands.

I'm so happy to hear you got some answers and you have a plan of attack. Information is power. Yes, this is a war and you two are preparing for the fight of your life.  You seek, destroy and KILL the enemy who is threatening your happiness!

It's good to see your fighting spirit rising.  You and your wife are, "in it to win it," and you have a formidable army behind you cheering you on!  No, Darlin, you can't lose with that attitude and resolve.  Sending good juju. - Cargiver Love, Peppermint

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by tippymicky504 on Thu Sep 14, 2017 02:02 AM

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Ray, I understand your position. I would probably feel likewise earlier in my life. I guess I've hardened from being let down too many times. We can't change people, we can only change how we react to them. Peace. Marge

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by tippymicky504 on Thu Sep 14, 2017 02:04 AM

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PP great idea PP. MARGE

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by PunkyD on Thu Sep 14, 2017 05:57 AM

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On Sep 13, 2017 11:45 AM CaregiverPete wrote:

Hi to all my peeps.

I wanted to take a moment for the Duke. I hope he can have some time with peppermint without so much pain. Hopefully the hospice caregivers can give the Duke needed relief.

And a moment for Lisa and Gregg. Get through those treatments and plan some time for togetherness. I'd love to read a post about a little or big trip you had together. Good times.

Breath.

My wife and I now know everything. The breast cancer is back. But it's days are numbered. It metastasized to her bones on her pelvic area. (Little spot) No organ Mets. There is some medical condition that bridges my wife's breast cancer to her pleural having malignancy  (left drainage issue) docs explained it in medical science. All they said is that the drainage will stop when treatment starts. That's All I need to know. 

Me, my wife, oncologist, RN'S, NP'S, and the rest of her medical team are on a seek n destroy mission. 

Her treatment is as follows. 

She will be on XGEVA - injection for bone density treatment and XELODA oral chemotherapy for breast cancer killing. 8 pills a day for 2 weeks then 7 days off, repeat for 4 cycles. 

We should be done by January.

I apologize for combative war like references  (seek n destroy, killing)  But it's how we feel. Some disease is trying to rip us apart. Ain't gonna happen. Whatever it takes.

Fatigue .... don't  matter

Weight loss.... don't  matter 

Weird nasty side effects .... It don't f#$%ing matter 

We're in this ....to beat this....

--------------------------------------------------------------

On a lighter side.. less aggressive 

I've already planned some romantic, therapeutic, and  relaxing trips to our spa retreat on her off weeks. Some surprise flower deliveries, cleaning and....oh yes....all the cooking of her favorite treats. 

My never ending thanks to all my caregiving islanders. You've all been in my corner before and still to this day.

I need you all for this next fight. I won't/can't  loose with all of you behind me. 

Pete.  

Wow, Pete.  How lucky your wife is to have you by her side, fighting together in her fight. Sending you positive strength to beat this thing! One day at a time. Yes.........deep breath. What a sweet plan you have made for her. Amazing. Yes, we're all behind you!  You will beat this!

Punky

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by PunkyD on Thu Sep 14, 2017 06:14 AM

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Dear Ray, 

I can definitely relate to what you are feeling. What seems to be a no brainer, or fair to one person, is not to another. We are in a nasty law suit with my brother in law over my father in law's inheritance. So so sad, infuriating, frustrating, unfair. My husband has basically "divorced" (his words) his brother and will never speak to him again. What a waste. I could easily do without this whole headache, but my husband's gotta do what he's gotta do. This is all because my father in law had dementia, and was tricked. This is the thanks that we get for taking him in to our home, and taking care of him until his death, after 1 year and 7 months. Love how Helen would have said "Let her have it". That's me too........but my husband can't let it go. 

I hope you will have the strength to not let this eat at you. I'm definitely not........whatever will be will be. 

No, life is not always fair, but you have to make the best of the great things that you do have in your life. For me, it's my children. 

Stay strong and positive. 

Punky

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by PunkyD on Thu Sep 14, 2017 06:37 AM

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Dear PP,

Thinking of you and the Duke. So glad hospice is in place. I'm sure that they will be such a help. My strategy in life is to try and start each day positively and to make the most of it.  I hope you are still able to have quality time/moments with the Duke. I know it's intense. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you. 

Punky

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by Ray725 on Thu Sep 14, 2017 08:15 AM

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Thanks all, I know you are all right and quite honestly I do feel a lot more relaxed.  Love your input PP, spot on.  I know I shall be re-visiting these responses over the coming days, weeks to keep me focused.

Now a more difficult problem - why do I keep dribbling food down the front of me?  Is it old age or because I now eat all my food of a tray in front of the television? Answers please!!

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by LisaLeeM on Thu Sep 14, 2017 12:11 PM

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Hi everyone! I made it through Irma. I can't tell you how Gregg did. Pete-I'm so glad you have a plan of attack. PP-I'm glad the Duke accepted hospice. In his heart he'll know it's the right thing. You've switched from planting trees to building fences? Haha. You will be in good hands with hospice and they were angels for my father. Ray-I never understand decisions some people make. Me being disabled, single-we thought my dad would have left me more than my sister. It was 50-50. He loved us equally and left it at that. If ever I need future help my sister would be there for me. I am sure Barbara is thinking like that-that her surviving daughter would turn things over to the 4 kids. Who knows if she will. I just hit 17 months here and I've had to end my care for Gregg. I'm sad. Conflicted. This hurricane freaked me out and was coming for us (I'm on the gulf coast Florida). His eldest daughter wanted her brother home for the weekend from his group home. I was against it but Gregg and I get in the car with the other 2 daughters Friday morning to go get him. One of them says "take me to McDonalds". No Britt. It's an hour+ each way yo get Alex and a hurricane is coming. She flipped me off and called me a "stupid B..h". I demanded to be left at the house. Gregg really did nothing. His truck breaks down and doesn't get back with them until late. This is after I go food shopping to throw together a birthday party for his son (the restaurants were all closing). So I'm cooking, cleaning, dishes...while the one who wanted him home ate and left, and the one who called me a stupid b is sitting on the couch on her phone. I snapped. I go home to pack up some sentimental things and go back to Gregg. He had spent the whole day trying to fix his truck as I had to entertain his ungrateful daughters to give his son some sort of birthday. Saturday morning I text Lexi to basically say - you wanted Alex home so where can I drop him off to you because dad and I are trying to prepare. She was so disrespectful and refused to take him. We decide Alex is safer at his group home (my original request) - I drive 1+ hours each way to take him back. Gregg was supposed to get moving on his house. I get back. He tells me he's not done and won't leave until Sunday morning. Gregg! You had a mandatory evacuation at 1pm. It's 5. I'm getting off the road by sundown. I am handicapped - I can't walk in wind and there are going to be tornado warnings. He basically said too bad. So, I went to my apartment. Alone. He's texting me to drive back in the morning. No. You don't care about my safety. I've spent 2 days dealing with your rotten daughters and babysitting your son...I have to take care of me. I blocked him and his kids from contacting me. For 17 months he let those girls treat me like a doormat. I ran around in circles to make sure his son was cared for and I'm the only one who even paid attention to the poor kid. He was willing to jeopardize my safety. He had no intention of leaving the house and wanted me there with him. I can't do it anymore. They're on their own. Mentally it's hard knowing he has no voice and will have trouble doing things for himself - but to pull all that...when I was afraid, when it was my birthday- no. He's healthy enough for now to make other arrangements. There's so much more that's happened but this story was long enough to bore you. I was pretty scared Sunday into Monday - but it didn't hit my place as badly as it could have. My power came back Tuesday night. I'm sad and lonely - I want to go back to my family in NJ. I might just get in my car and go for a while when I'm ready to tell them what went on. They are livid knowing I was alone but I tried to say it was my choice and I was fine.

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by Ahole on Thu Sep 14, 2017 02:00 PM

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Lisa, first I want to say WHEW, so glad you made it thru. Every time I saw the videos on TV of the damage I thought of you and hoped you weren't lying in a heap somewhere.

But Honey, you do sound like you are in a different kind of heap. Catastrophies can bring out the best in folks.....and they can also bring out the worst. I'm so sad that you had to go through such chaos during the storm instead of feeling safe and taken care of.

One thing is for sure though. You are a survivor. Let the dust settle and just try to take care of yourself and stay grounded. Try not to make any rash decisions or draw conclusions. Remember how strong you are and know that you will be okay. Keep in touch! - PP

RE: How are you coping with caregiving? Open ongoing thoughts.

by tippymicky504 on Thu Sep 14, 2017 02:05 PM

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Lisa So happy to learn you are safe. I'm speechless about how you were treated...not really, but what I want to say would be mean. Gregg let his family treat you like that after all you've done? I'm relieved that you put a stop to it. One of the ungrateful will have to step forward and do what they should have been doing all along. Let's hope they do. Take your trip to see family. You need the love, company and positive vibes you'll get there. You did so much for Gregg, time for you to take care of you. Hugs Marge
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