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StephenS's Message Board Messages

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FOR ALL OF YOU MY LOVE AND THANKS

by StephenS - March 09 at 3:06 PM

I have been among the missing this past year but it did not mean I was not thinking of you or of the woman who was the best wife I could ever have asked God to give me. We celebrated her 6th annivesary in heaven on March 2. 

God has given me the love and hope that only a wife can bring for a second time. We have been dating for two years now and although the exact date of our wedding is not set, we are planning on marrying this year.

I know we all made similar promises and I know we all lost the only person we could every have loved. But the loneliness was having its toll on me and I was so despondent and lost in this world. The truth is I wished I had died first, I wished I was dead, I even told my friends each day that each day brought me that much closer to being with my wife.

But then, one day in June, 2018, I asked our Lord to send someone to me so make me want to live again, someone to spend the rest of my life with, someone who I could care for and be their best friend and once again our Lord did not fail me and he send me Diana, a then 68 year old, 5'9" nurse anestisist and although she lives 3 hours away in the last two years we have become one and once again I go to bed, snuggling up against another who loves me and who I love and we cherish and share the days we have left on this earth together, always talking about the best spouses we could ever ask for, her Philip and my Kathleen.  Yes we do not hide our love for our spouses, we revel in them and we revel in the fact that our Lord gave us each other to spend our futures happy once more. 

FOR ALL OF YOU OUR THERE, I SEND MY LOVE AND THANKS FOR HELPING ME THROUGH THE STRUGGLE OF LIVING WITHOUT THE ONLY ONE FOR ME. YOU ARE NOT FORSAKING THEM IS YOU FIND ANOTHER PER5ON TO SHARE YOUR FUTURE.  MEMORIES ARE WONDERFUL AND NO ONE WILL EVER REPLACE THE ONE YOU LOST BUT SOMEONE CAN MAKE YOUR REMAINING YEARS FILLED WITH HAPPINESS ONCE MORE.  SO AS I READ AND NOW UNDERSTAND, YOU CAN'T KEEP LOOKING BACK TO THE PAST CAUSE THAT IS NOT THE DIRECTION YOU ARE GOING. IT IS OKAY TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT THEM, KEEP SHARING YOUR MEMORIES, BUT TELL THOSE STORIES TO THE PRESENT AND THE FUTURE AND NOT KEEP RELIVING THEM.

MY THANKS TO ALL OF THE FRIENDS I HAVE MADE HERE ESPECIALLY STAN WHO I PRAY WILL LET HIMSELF HEAL AND LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE. 

Dear Stan and everyone else out there who has lost so deeply everything that made the world smile and tomorrow hold promises in otherwords a spouse. After four and one half years I met a lady, only 69 years old, who had lost her mate too and in the past six months we have gone from emails to dinners out to my telling her I love her. That was unimaginable just a year ago. I had been unwilling to move on. I wanted to stay in the past. I wanted to live my today's remembering my yesterdays. But it was so hard to go forward when I kept looking back. And then it happened. I joined Silver Singles a dating site for those over fifty and after five weeks I meet Diana. Life is better when you look forward to your tomorrows instead of looking back at your yesterdays is what I wanted to tell all of you. She will not replace Kathy and I will not replace Philip but that is not what we are trying to do.  What we are doing is building tomorrows. Love all of you and may God Bless you.

Dear Emilyyy, i lost my wife five years ago. I loved her and she loved me and God gave us each the best possible life partner we could possibly have asked him for. But she is not here on earth any longer and life without her is absolutely miserable. Yes, I have three children and eleven grandkids and they do everything to love me and care for me and show me their love, but they are not Kathy and they are not there to hold me, snuggle with me, care for me as only a spouse can and bring sunshine into my life as I know someone loves me as a man, husband, and partner. I was married forty four years and she was my world. But its a lonely world out there and after so many years your mother deserves to know that someone stil finds her attractve, someone lights up her days and is there to hold through the night and there is someone share your life with. Her love for your father has never diminished, not one bit. She loves his as much today as that first day he asked her to marry him. This new man is not a replacement for your father, not in her heart nor in her mind. He represents the future not the past. A promise for happier days than she has know for more than eight years. Please be kind to her, let her know you love her and talk openly about how much you miss your dad and not how she could be seeing someone else. She will share her sorrow, grief and loss with you gladly and pour out her tears which she has held back trying to be stoic and strong for you all those years. Ask God to show you the way to strengthen your bond with your mother and ask him to teach you how to show her you love her still and forever.

Good luck. I will say a prayer for you. 

THIS MAY BE MY LAST POST, NOT BECAUSE I DO NOT LOVE ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE SHARED WITH ME THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE, BUT BECAUSE MY STORY HAS MOVED ON TO LIFE AFTER RECOVERING FROM THE LOSS AND THIS SIGHT IS MEANT FOR THOSE SEEKING HELP, UNDERSTANDING, AND SHARING IN ANGUISH, GRIEF, AND SADNESS. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT I HAVE HELPED SOME OF YOU.  I KNOW SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN A WONDERFUL HELP TO ME. BUT THEN AGAIN WHO KNOWS WHAT TOMORROW MAY BRING FOR ME AND FOR YOU AND SO I MAY STOP BY SOMETIME, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN.

Correction:  "very very best with FOR ME" was suppose to be very very best wife FOR ME" Sorry for the error. Should proof better before sending 

Hi friends and my extended family. Well on Saturday, March 2nd it will be five years ago that my world ended when my wife of forty four years passed away after a 14 month battle with pancreatic cancer. It was a struggle those first four years to make it through each day and each day seemed to be not worth living if it were not for God and my children all of whom showed me such love and caring that I woke another day hoping it would get better. God blessed me with the very very best with FOR ME that i could ever have asked for and we had the best life and when she battled cancer God was there to comfort her and care for her and to carry me through the worst time in my life. Then this past September, I dared to ask God to let me have some happiness in my life again and so he sent me Diana and although she is not Kathy, Kathy is not Diana either and I love her, Diana, as much as I love Kathy and although she will never replace Kathy she will bring the sunshine back into my life and she does love me and I love her and life has meaning once again.  And so I write you all to share my story of how God in his great love and mercy helps us to move on with life after losing the only one I could have ever wanted. I hope you find the same solace and happiness in your life. Stephen

 

Dear Loveurself,

I did not respond immediately to your outcry of pain and sorrow at the loss of your spouse and best friend as the pain you were suffering was so great that I felt you would not listen to what I have to say.  I lost my wife to pancreatic cancer four and one half years ago and the pain and loss is as great today as it was on the first day after she died. We did not even know she had cancer until it was too late and on our first visit with the oncologist he handed us a phone number and said call them [hospice], you have three to eight weeks to live there is nothing we can do.  Believe me there are hundreds, no hundreds of thousands of us out here who share in this pain and loss and we all understand how you feel.  I encourage you to turn to our Lord for his help and guidance to see you through.  We [God and I] are on a first name basis. He has been carrying me for over four years now and he does not complain.  He soothes the hurt and grants me glimmers of sunshine as he shows me the path of life that I am following.  Do not become a recluse.  if you have family and/or friends get together.  Remember him by talking about all the good times you had.  We are all hear for you.  I promise I will not ignore your call nor will any of the other members.  We are united in our loss. The only way that you will not suffer and hurt from the loss is if the next time you marry someone you hate.  That way you ill not miss them.  Otherwise you are part of our family, the ones who were given the very best spouse "for them" and we welcome you with our arms open

RE: Post days

by StephenS - August 27, 2018

Stan, I can't remember if you ever mentioned your age or not. I remember your bouts with injuries/sickness but not sure about your age.  In any event, and oh by the way I am 72 if I failed to mention that, if you are retired, which I am not as that is what makes life worth living still, then you absolutely positively need to volunteer your time to some organization near you, be it a school, as a school aid, or at the hospital or at your church.  Interaction is the key to battling loneliness and staleness of thoughts and mental activeity. You have become such a good friend and I only wish to give you a kick in the butt to get you moving forward and finding something to rejuvenate your spirit.  Oh by the way my community has a site where they post about sixty different groups that offer anything from bridge [card game] to hiking and camping, to going on vacations together.  You must try.  Your wife, like mine, probably told you to live your life and not live in sorrow.  I am a great speaker.  Only find it hard to follow my own advice. 

RE: Post days

by StephenS - August 21, 2018

Just stopped by for a second and saw your post.  I am so glad you are able to move forward with life.  I am still stuck. Every once in a while there is a glimmer of light but then it clouds back over again.  I know I must go forward and I put on a brave face and I am there for my family, just as they are for me, but without a next best friend life still is barely worth the living.  Well enough of my self pity.  Happy you posted and wish you all the best.

I learned how to be grandma at that first Thanksgiving when Andrew, one of my grandchildren, asked me "Grandpa, why didn't grandma send me a birthday card?"  Needless to say that really tore deep into my heart and I promised that would never happen again.  It's important to keep family life going even when you don't want to. I could go on for hours about how and what they have said and how it has stung and hurt and has made me smile and laugh too but the point is, we are still the Sapienza's and we share the hard times and the good times.  So much to be thankful for. 

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Pancreatic Cancer
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