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jfunbug's Message Board Messages

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New here looking to vent

by jfunbug - December 08 at 3:52 PM

Boyfriend has stage 4 kidney cancer and we have been struggling with this nightmare and I just want it to end.
He had to retire from the military due to the cancer and is having a hard time expressing his feelings and talking about it. 
He tells everyone he is going "Great!!!" when he is not...I read a recent post where the patient was laughing and joking on the phone with his friends..he does the same thing but is not mean or nasty, just distances himself from me; doesn't want to talk yet talks all day on phone with friends whoopping it up.
Today bf meets with the doctors to determine if his first round of chemo has been working.
We had a lousy thanksgiving, he became depressed as his family was selfish, demanding he visit with family members who do not speak to one another (in past years he visited separate homes, but this year he was too sick/tired).
He was stressed out with what decision to make and I suggested he can come with me out of state with my family which didn’t go over well “oh so you’re going to go with your gf instead of us when you might not be here next year?????) wtf…. I told him he doesn’t have to go with me if it is going to cause more stress, so he decided to go to one home but thought he would disappoint me.  I assured him it was ok.  Later he confided in me he did not have a good time, he felt stressed but really did not want to talk about what happened. 

This week he was super stressed and wanted time alone.  he had testing Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (taking himself to the hospital, he confided in me that his sister was taking him and she made it all about her and stressed him out even more.  I offered to take time off from work and take him but he refused). 
We do not live together I have been there for him, coming by to help him with the everyday things, putting Xmas lights up, shoveling snow and hiring a cleaning lady.  We do not live together and I bring over a huge pot of homemade soup each week. Lately he has increasingly stopped being appreciative and I feel like a bi**& if I say something. 
If I have a bad day at work or need to talk about something that is bothering me I do not share it with him as I feel selfish doing so. 
So today he meets with the doctors for an update on his prognosis. I am so scared but have been strong for him. 
Saying prayers for him and keeping fingers crossed. God bless all of you and thanks for letting me rant!!

RE: first time on this board

by jfunbug - December 08 at 3:08 PM

thank you for all of the information and your advice.
we have been struggling with this nightmare and i just want it to end.
he had to retire from the military due to teh cancer and is having a hard time expressing his feelings and talking about it.  he tells everyone he is going "Great!!!" when he is not...
Today bf meets with the doctors to determine if his first round of chemo has been working.
We had a lousy thanksgiving, he became depressed as his family was selfish, demanding he visit with family members who do not speak to one another (in past years he visited separate homes, but this year he was too sick/tired).
He was stressed out with what decision to make and I suggested he can come with me out of state with my family which didn’t go over well “oh so you’re going to go with your gf instead of us when you might not be here next year?????) wtf…. I told him he doesn’t have to go with me if it is going to cause more stress, so he decided to go to one home but thought he would disappoint me.  I assured him it was ok.  Later he confided in me he did not have a good time, he felt stressed but really did not want to talk about what happened. 

This week he was super stressed and wanted time alone.  he had testing Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (taking himself to the hospital, he confided in me that his sister was taking him and she made it all about her and stressed him out even more.  I offered to take time off from work and take him but he refused). 
So today he meets with the doctors for an update on his prognosis. I am so scared but have been strong for him. Saying prayers for him and keeping fingers crossed.  Thanks again??

RE: first time on this board

by jfunbug - December 06 at 3:31 PM

Also, are there any support groups he and I could go to? We live in the Boston, Ma area.  Thanks!

first time on this board

by jfunbug - December 06 at 3:28 PM

Hello this is my first time on this board.  My boyfriend is dealing with stage 4 kidney cancer and has completed a round of chemo, took some time off and has taken himself today to the hospital for his second round.

He has refused to let anyone take him and was very distant over the holiday and this week. 

I have been taking care of him when he lets me as we do not live together.  I cook him a huge pot of soup every week and lately have been feeling unappreciated.

I was looking for some advice as to what others have gone through and hopefully give some advice as well.  God Bless

Christy

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About jfunbug

Caregiver
Kidney Cancer
After Treatment, Cancer Diagnosis, Cancer Nutrition, Cancer Prevention, Cancer Treatments, Chemotherapy, Clinical Trials and Research, Conventional Treatments, Diet, Emotional Support

Boyfriend diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer.

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